Sorry to have been away for so long. I've been laid up with surgery and drugged up beyond belief. The keyboard was kind of fuzzy.

No fear, I shall re-appear with all NEW reviews of the LATEST and GREATEST and eh, not so great stuff out there. It's MOMENTS away...

Keep your eyes glued to this space!

Alexia

Years ago, my mom made me watch a VHS movie that I was actually loathe to see, and that you're probably surprised to see me review now, after such a long absence. (I apologize for the absence and will explain later, but this review is more important, if not years overdue.) It was The Mission , from 1986. As usual - my reviews are full of spoilers so - read on at your own peril. Cause this is just a total blow-by-blow...

After 125 minutes, openly weeping with throat-catching sobs, until the moment of the credit close when Ray McAnally who played His Eminence Altimirano simply stared at the camera for a full two minutes in silence with a baleful eye that seemed almost judgemental, as if to say - have you so changed the world today for the better? And again, I was crushed to tears beyond all bearing. This movie obviously moves me beyond the meaning of mere words. It disturbs me and wracks me somewhere deep inside, yet in a beautiful way, because it also shows the human capacity for love and perserverance and the drive to keep pushing to better ourselves and our surroundings.

I was on iTunes (don't take it as a plug, I owe them too much money, and I already have a 110" screen theater room upon which to watch movies), but I wanted something to watch before bed, and something intimate in order to help me fall asleep better. Nothing could've been further from the truth. I had forgotten the impact this movie had upon me. I downloaded the movie, uploaded it to my iTouch, and was immediately crying within about 15 minutes. Sometimes, a simple act of faith and martyrdom can do that to me, even though I am not a particularly religious person.

For those unfamiliar with the story, it's the tale of the Jesuits in South America in between two parcels of land held between Portugal and Spain. The Spanish Jesuits, who are under the protection of the Pope and the Church, both powerful positions back then, are trying to set up missions to civilize and bring to God the indigenous Guarani Indians. The Indians above the treacherous falls are especially suspicious of the priests who come to try to tell them of this "god" character, and there is a beautiful yet horrifying martyr sequence when they send one of the priests who has made the journey up the falls back down the falls - on a makeshift cross like he has told them about, and you see the poor man mumble his prayers as he can hear the roar of the falls come closer and closer and flies over in a moment of horrifying sacrifice for his beliefs.

The story mainly focuses upon two men, one - Fr. Gabriel, played to absolute sublime perfection by Jeremy Irons, and truthfully, this was the first time I had ever seen him, so I found it difficult to see him in villainous roles after this. The other main character is Robert DeNiro who is like what - the Laurence Olivier of our generation? He plays Rodrigo Mendoza, who at one time is a slave hunter, rounding up the indigenous Indians to sell to the Portuguese. That he does so on Spanish territory at times causes him little bother on his conscience, even after Fr. Gabriel tells him they're building a mission. Rodrigo merely shrugs. Business is booming.

After the many failures of his priests under his care falling to death and or being killed outright, Fr. Gabriel takes it upon himself to climb the treacherous rocks up the falls and make one last attempt to make contact with the elusive Guarani. Knowing he surely will either die from the climb itself or from the encounter with the Indians, Brother Fielding (Liam Neeson ) argues with him that it was his territory and he should be the one to go. Fr. Gabriel insists, and begins his climb, barefoot upon wet rock and with sheeting water the most dangerous climb to the top of the falls in what we now know as  modern Brazil. In a particulary moving moment for me personally, Fielding asks if anyone can see him (Gabriel) on the falls climbing, and the esteemed Fr. Daniel Berrigan makes a cameo, his face serene yet showing the lines of his hard life, and he shakes his head; "No," he answers solemly. For some reason this makes me cry, knowing the hardship and the lengths this man went to for peace in his own life. (Side note: Fr. Berrigan served as a consultant for the Jesuits on this film. No better authority, in my opinion. The link opens a Wikipedia page to his life - you may find some interest there. He was quite the activist during the Vietnam War, despite being an ordained Jesuit.) 

Gabriel, finally reaching the ascent, walks deep into the jungle, knowing - sensing he is being watched, and finds a rock in a small river to sit upon. The other Indians below the falls in the established Missions he has encountered have all been strangely and beautifully drawn to music. They make instruments that are played in the finest courts in all of Europe; they sing like angels gifted with voice - somehow this enclave in South America has an innate talent that seems to bring purity and clarity and ease of talent to God. So, sitting upon his rock in the river, Fr. Gabriel pulls out an oboe and begins to play. He is clearly frightened; he stops and starts a few times; the jungle thick and heavy around him, but he continues on until the tribe emerges; surrounds him, listening, enraptured.

An elder of the tribe, angered by this outsider's interloping, finally walks up and breaks the oboe over his knee and throws the halves in the water and stomps off chattering. Another younger leader brings the pieces back to Gabriel and tries to get him to put them back together. Fr. Gabriel shows he cannot, and the younger leader announces to the surrounding crowd something - we don't know what, but we assume it's that Father Gabriel has made a good enough impression to be brought back to the camp so he can fix his oboe, and maybe stay a while. Which he does, and begins with a few converts - not all, but his delightful, non-aggressive gentle nature wins over the village and he quickly finds a home and is allowed to build a church and a life with the tribe.
 
But Mendoza makes an appearance, snagging some of the younger boys out hunting. The Indians, perhaps hoping Fr. Gabriel can intercede on their behalf, bring him to the spot where the Spaniard has the struggling young men trussed up in a net with help from a neighboring warring tribe. Fr. Gabriel, fearless, cries out "So you're hunting above the falls now, Captain Mendoza. We're building a Mission here. These people are to be protected."  Supposedly, when a Mission is built, the people are to be protected by the power of the Church and Papacy. Mendoza is not impressed. "So say you for now."

Mendoza returns home to the small dusty town where he sells his wares to the local Portugese Representative and plantation owner, and he informs him of Father Gabriel's plans. This man, Don Cabeza, is angered at the power of the Jesuits, but hints that there may be a change in the wind.

Meanwhile, Mendoza returns home to his fiancee, Carlotta, and his beloved younger brother, Felipe Mendoza (Adian Quinn). What he does not realize is that while he has been away, his brother and his woman have become lovers. For a moment he seems as though, despite his pride, he can accept this change of things, but as the evening goes on he begins to believe people laugh at him behind his back, think him a cuckold, a fool - and he becomes enraged. He calls out his brother, and his brother begs him not to do it, but hastily pulls a sword from a stranger's scabbard in an attempt to save himself - but it is too late. Carlotta runs through the street, barely dressed, obviously running from the bed she and Felipe had just shared; the back of her dress still unlaced and hair in disarray - a woman of station would normally never allow herself to be seen so, but such is her grief. She screams, throwing herself on Felipe and the elder Mendoza realizes he has just killed his own brother whom he loved dearly. You can see the harsh realization set in.

Cut to a while later and Fr. Gabriel has been called to a local monastery in the township where Rodrigo Mendoza has taken up sanctuary. A Brother informs Fr. Gabriel that he won't eat, he won't take care of himself; he has given up; it seems he wants to die. The supposition is that Fr. Gabriel, kind and caring man that he is, will spout some words of wisdom that will heal all, and life will go on. Not so. He enters Rodrigo's filthy cell and pretty much tells it like it is, baldly and with no cushioning of the facts. "So, you've killed your brother. It was a duel, so the law can't touch you. But now you can't live with the pain of what you've done and you want to die." A back and forth of those who have been enemies but Fr. Gabriel - always respectful of his vows (no one is beyond salvation) ensues and ends with Rodrigo's almost angry statement "For me there is no absolution." And Fr. Gabriel, always with patience and with love yet forceful and with his faith urging him on powerfully, taunts "But do you dare try it?"

And for me comes the most poignant part of the movie, or one of the most poignant - I cry so many times it's hard to pick one moment that stands taller than another. Fr. Gabriel, Brother Fielding, Brother Rolf are all traveling to the village above the falls. As mentioned before, the trip is - to say the least - arduous. Accompanying them is Rodrigo. Rodrigo has a rope tied around one shoulder attached to a netted bag carrying all his previous weapons of war: metal breastplate, metal greaves, metal leg protectors, shield, swords - in short, a hell of a lot of metal. This is no light burden he pulls behind him. And he pulls it up the trail to the enclave above the falls. And it is a mean task - the falls, he falls, the rain makes his task even harder - he reaches the summit of one hill only to slide back down to the bottom in the mud. And he does not complain, he does not speak, he never gives a sigh of "shit, gotta do that all over again"; he just sighs the sigh of a man determined to accomplish a nearly impossible task.

At one point, Brother Fielding says to Fr. Gabriel, "The others and I have spoken and, well, we think it's enough." And Fr. Gabriel watches Rodrigo struggle with the rain and the mud and the metal a little ways away, and says contemplatively, "But does he think it's enough? Until he does..." And he shrugs. And you can see a kind of pity, or angry mercy come over the others, and at one point, Brother Fielding almost furiously uses his sword to cut away the rope of Rodrigo's baggage/penance. The heavy parcel slides down a hill and Rodrigo, without a sound, without missing a beat, simply turns and goes back down the hill and ties a knot in the heavy rope and begins the climb again. Thus we see the depth of his pain and commitment to this penance - this is no empty act for him; it has meaning and hangs heavy on his soul and he somehow feels he is bearing his sins up the hill to the very people he has enslaved, not knowing of the greeting he will receive there. He is unshaven, his clothes are filthy and torn, and yet he toils, through mud and rain and heavy forest, and up the treacherous falls and will accept no assistance. Has heavier penance ever been carried?

Once the party reaches the tribe, there is a general rejoicing of friends meeting again, Fielding, Rolf, Fr. Gabriel are all welcomed as beloved friends and perhaps extended members. Then the extra member of the party is noticed. A quick question is asked in Guarani to Fr. Gabriel. He answers something - we don't know what, but people approach and Rodrigo sits silently, his burden still tied to him, and waits whatever fate delivers him. The younger leader of the tribe cuts away his burden and sends it down the river, dismissing it, and Rodrigo begins to cry. It's the symbolic release of all his weapons of slavery and death and war, and the very people he has wronged so greatly have relased him of this huge weight. He cries giant rolling tears. The Guarani seem to find this humorous, and through his sadness at having his penance cut away, he cries and laughs at their forgiveness and acceptance. These, it seems, have become a loving people at the hand of Fr. Gabriel. They pull at his beard (they have no body hair other than on their heads) and tug at his face and he allows their touch as though each hand heals him in some way. Rodrigo's soul is on it's way to becoming whole once more.

After a while of living with the tribe and helping to build a church and being adopted by a young boy with no front teeth who follows him everywhere and thinks him special, Rodrigo seems to have found a measure of peace and stillness, and approaches Fr. Gabriel and says he would like a way to thank him and the Guarani. Fr. Gabriel hands him a small book and says, "If you'd like to thank them, why not read this." Such follows a montage of life in the village, children playing in the lush river, mothers washing their babies, Rolf teaching classes, Fielding putting in foundations for a building, all while Rodrigo reads passages from the small book - don't quote me, but I seem to recall them as Bible verses but I am a bad lapsed Catholic, but they are among the more beautiful verses. Surprisingly, this leads to Rodrigo asking to become a Jesuit. Even more surprisingly, after a bit of stern questioning, Fr. Gabriel and the Church agree. And we witness Brother Rodrigo take his vows and be welcomed with hugs and kisses by Rolf, Fielding and Gabriel. An important note - Rodrigo has had to promise to follow Gabriel's orders in all things, and Rodrigo has willingly and wholeheartedly done so.

Cut to the township, where the Papal Emissary, the aforementioned Altimirano makes his entrance into the picture - so to speak. What is at stake is the sale of the provinces from Spain, protecting the Missions and the Jesuits with the Church, to Portugal who does not recognize the authority of the Church nor the Jesuits and fully supports slavery, and whether or not the protected areas of the Church - read: Jesuits - will remain so protected. Altimirano has come to view the Missions and the workings done and to see what shall be the ultimate decision of the Church with regard to the protected areas. It is a delicate time, and everyone is aware of the stakes.

Fr. Gabriel, Rodrigo, Fielding, Rolf, and the child who follows Rodrgo around have all come down for the hearings, as well as the local Jesuits who run the other Missions in nearby areas. There is a typical European-style court hearing where Rodrigo gets in trouble for standing up and calling the local Portuguese Representative a liar - which was true, but not a wise move. It gets the Jesuits into hot water, and Gabriel is furious with Rodrigo, reminding him that he had promised to obey him. Rodrigo protests that he was telling the truth, the man was a liar, and Gabriel says it very well may be true but Rodrigo took a vow of obedience and he is either to apologize or he is no longer a Jesuit. Rodrigo, never one to just let things go, apologizes to Don Cabesa, who grudgingly accepts. He then apologizes to all those assembled. He then goes on to apologize to the small child for insulting him (in a "I'm just gonna give it to everyone cause you're just not that special, Don Cabesa" kind of way) and the child chatters back at him in Guarani, and Altimirano calls on him that it's quite enough. Beautiful - cracked me up. He obeyed. To. The. Letter.

There is a private political discussion between Altimirano and the Spanish representative, pretty much telling him that the Spaniards have entered into a treaty with the Portuguese, and all lands will be ceded to the Portuguese. Altimirano's task is all that more difficult, then: he must decide if the Missions are to remain or to "prune such a... beautiful and vibrant limb" "in order that the whole may be saved". The Jesuit Order in Europe is already under a very sharp eye, with many thinking it has too much power entirely, and should be disbanded. It is the time of the Jesuit Reductions . Altimirano is acutely aware of the thin line he walks. Fr. Gabriel walks up a street lit by the candles of hundreds of waiting prayers, parishioners, missionaries and Guarani, who all stand silently, holding their candlelight as he makes his way up the dusty street to the beautiful cathedral at the end where Altimirano is at prayer, wrestling with his decision. Gabriel pleads with him to - before he makes his decision - come see his mission, come see the one above the falls. Altimirano agrees, although one suspects he has already made his decision.

We next see Altimirano and the Jesuits of the tribe and tribe members in makeshift canoes being paddled up a river, make-shift leaf canopies over their heads to protect them from the sun. Altimirano, as part of the Papal hierarchy, likely has never been out of his element in marble halls or in the wildness of God's great beauty that is the Guarani region. His eyes are wide and glad, and I think he is - at least for a moment - enjoying himself and the journey. Although, I do think for a moment, if they can get there by river, why the hell do they do that dangerous climb up the falls? Passing note. But as they get closer, the villagers line the banks of the river with giant leaves to herald them, and line a bridge to welcome them, and catch the canoes from the swift-moving waters. Altimirano is brought into the village, his hand held by the king of the tribe, an honor I suspect he does not realize, but the man is proud and you cannot mistake his bearing; his face still painted in traditional Guarani tradition. Altimirano's face is full of wonder and awe, and I don't believe he's ever seen such beauty in any Cathedral ever constructed in Europe. He turns a corner, and there is the entire tribe, standing in front of the church that has been built, and the villagers break into song: a hymn that may not have the words just right, but is pitch perfect and matches any choir in the world, and you see the burning pain and perhaps a tear in his eyes as he realizes what he has to do here; what his position is forcing him to destroy.

The next scene is of Altimirano seated at one end of a table, Gabriel in the center, and the king and his representatives at the other. Altimirano is passing down the news that the mission must be abandoned. Fr. Gabriel looks at him with - what, disbelief? Altimirano tells him sternly to translate. Fr. Gabriel does and there is a rumbling of dissent and unhappiness in the assembly on the other side of the room. Fr. Gabriel says to Altimirano, "They want to know why they must leave the Mission. Why must they leave their home." Altimirano says because The Pope and God, King Almighty, demands it must be so. Fr. Gabriel again looks at Altimirano in disbelief. "Tell them!" Altimirano demands. Fr. Gabriel does in abashed tones,, and you can tell his heart is anguished with each word he says in Guarani. The leader of the tribe makes a long statement in his native tongue, clearly unhappy and dissenting, and exits the hut. Altimirano asks Gabriel what was said, and Gabriel says simply, "He also is a king, and he will not leave his home."

Altimirano makes it very clear that the Portuguese will begin dismatling the Missions and the Jesuits must not be seen in any way to be working against this decision of Papal decree. The entire Jesuit order is on the precipice, and any disobedience here could have disastrous results back in Europe. Fr. Gabriel believes in love, and God's love, and will not fight, but neither will he leave his people nor his mission. Altimirano leaves, and we begin to see the Portuguese soldiers advance on the missions below the falls, taking the residents there as captives and slaves. It is a bloody, brutal confrontation with no mercy, and my tears begin to roll. The churches are set ablaze, babies are set apart from their families in the street in the pouring rain, naked and crying, left to who knows what fate.

Meanwhile, above the falls, a very different type of confrontation is taking place. The young boy who follows Rodrigo around goes diving at the bottom of the falls and finds one of Rodrigo's swords from the rope-knotted bag. Alone in the forest, he cleans and sharpens the sword, and when it it is ready, he presents it to Rodrigo. Rodrigo's initial reaction is shock - he has sworn never to hold an instrument of death again. He shakes his head violently. The boy persists. Rodrigo realizes the boy is asking him to save his life. Slowly he reaches for the pommel of the sword. We see him in the forest, practicing his forms; he has lost none of his skill. He makes a momentous decision, and approaches Gabriel. "Father, I am here to renounce my vows of obedience..." Gabriel looks at him and quietly says "Get out." Rodrigo stands silently. "Is it just you?" Gabriel asks? "No, it's Rolf, and Fielding, and a few others..."  Rodrigo then asks for absolution. Gabriel refuses. "If you're right, then God will forgive you, and if you're wrong, then my words won't help."

Thus begin the fortifications of the village. Lots of back and forth and reinforcing of walls and bridges and hidden explosives and a midnight trip down the falls where a stealthy tribal party comes upon a Portuguese soldiers nest sleeping before attempting the falls the next morning. They steal powder and guns and at one point, a guard awakens and almost sounds an alarm - and Rodrigo takes his first life since leaving that murderous life behind. You can see the consternation cross his face, but the determination that he does this for one reason only - to protect those he loves who have no other way to protect themselves with inferior weapons and inferior warlike techniques - two things Rodrigo knows intimately. It is a bitter pill he swallows, but there is no hesitation. They are not discovered, and they slip back above the falls and continue to fortify the village. In the morning, the killed guard is discovered and the missing munitions noticed as well. The soldiers move on, moving cannon and large guns up the falls with pulleys and counterweights. The fight is inevitable.

Fielding and several other tribesmen hide themselves in canoes up the river, knowing the enemy will try to flank them from all sides. Rodrigo directs all fighting on the ground in the village, including one final failsafe - a gun pointed at a powder-keg aimed to blow up a bridge to the village with a long rope attached so he can pull from a safe distance. As he said he would not, Fr. Gabriel will have nothing to do with the fighting, and instead holds Mass. He holds it outside, perhaps to show the soldiers that this is a holy place, that what they do is sacrilege.

From a nearby beach where the soldiers have set up their first salvo, along-side a group of neighboring warring Indians helping them against the Guarani, there are rumblings among the ranks as the men hear the strains of the hymns of mass being sung. "None of us wants to do this," one complains to his commander. You can tell the commander is none too comfortable either, but orders are orders. The assisting tribe lie on their backs with long bows held taught with their feet. The commander walks thorugh their line and lights each arrow and orders them to fire. The arrows begin to rain down in the village, and the hymns falter for a moment as fear sets in. A squad of soldiers dispatched to swing around thorugh the jungle is overtaken by a guerilla force overseen by Rodrigo. A series of canoes floats by the hidden Fielding and his forces and  he begins to paddle after them madly shoting a musket at them, managing to take out a few, but the only other weapons at hand are the bows and arrows wielded by the Guarani. The soldier's boats try to turn and return fire and a kind of fierce madness occurs. Somehow the arrows take out some soldiers, many Guarani fall, and finally, only Fielding's boat is left. "Capture that priest!" goes the call. It will go badly if a priest is caught fighting.

Fielding has no more ammunition, so he and his two Guarani paddlers begin a mad race down the river; Fielding trying to knock away a soldier's boat with his paddle at one point. He furiously paddles away, as do his two tribesmen, and he is followed, but he knows what the soldiers do not: this river ends in the falls. Fielding is shot in the back during this crazy pursuit and slumps over in his canoe. His tribesmen can abandon him and save themselves but they paddle all the harder, and they shoot themselves over the falls in a heartbreakingly magnificent sacrifice. It is too late for the soldiers by the time the realize just what they have been pulled into. They, too, meet the wild waters racing over the jagged rocks, and they do not capture the precious prey of the fighting priest.

Back at the village, the fighting is just as desperate - the soldiers have entered the village, half the buildings are on fire, and fear is palpable. But the people have faith in their Fr. Gabriel. He takes hold of the Holy Cross with the sacred Eucharist within the center and urges the congregation to begin walking down the middle of the street. People are shot down randomly left and right, but Fr. Gabriel is unwavering in his faith and his determination that he will not be stopped by violence. Rodrigo has stopped the young boy who adores him several times from entering the fight, sending him away, and is now running back and forth, setting off his traps and shooting his hidden guns when he can, but it is clear he will not win the day. Finally, he is shot in the back, but he gets up, determined to blow the bridge so the soldiers cannot get to Fr. Gabriel and the majority of villagers. He gets distracted for a moment, and by the time he turns back, and pulls the string to pull the trigger to the gun aimed at the powder-keg, he sees the Commander of the Portugese soldiers, holding the other end, shaking his head at him. Foiled. Rodrigo is mortally shot, but refuses to lie down in death, instead staring intently at Fr. Gabriel, who walks on, fear evident in his face, yet still holding the cross erect until he is shot in the throat and falls. Only then will Rodrigo lie down, only then is his war over. One of the older villagers picks up the cross and walks on with it, but it is complete chaos at this time...the ugly end has come.

And then we see and hear Altimirano back in the township as he writes to the Pope of what has happened there in the jungles of South America. And you can tell Altimirano feels a very personal responsibility for what has occured. The Spanish representative stops by, comes in and offers some platitudes of "thus is the world..." Altimirano very sharply corrects, "No. Thus have we made it."

And we return to the jungle of the Guarani for one last time, to see several children, spared in the fighting, probably hiding in the forest. A girl, just on the edge or puberty walks naked through the water to a waiting canoe of other children, and what she plucks from the water is not a cooking utensil or a weapon or a doll....but a violin. She gets into the canoe, and it is steered away by the new leader of this much smaller smaller tribe. You can tell he has self-assumed this mantle. He will care for this group; he has learned how to look after people. It is the small boy with missing front teeth who had followed Rodrigo around. And he paddles silently away into the waters of the jungle river.

This movie is likely one of the most strikingly shot movies I've ever seen. It is shot in Brazil, on location where these incidents took place years ago with the Iguazu Falls, still tracherous as ever, and the forests, still lush and green as ever. The pallet of the movie is in greens and blues and greys, and although one would tend tho think those colors quite muted, int his situation, they are so alive and vibrant. The scene of Rodrigo practicing his forms alone in the woods after such a long absence is poignant in ints own right, with muted blues and vibrant greens and just the flicker of a silver sword. There is hardly another place on earth which could capture a time that was so real and so honest so long ago without losing some of the vitality of what it was back then, but Director Roland Joffé captured something that seems almost lost in this world of hustle and bustle. You believe the rain, the red mud, the difficult climbs, the hand-built sets - it all seems to step from the 17th century with a sense of reality that can't be just fabricated.

If I could reccomend a movie that has action, romance, war, political intrigue, and everything else that makes a movie great - this would definitely be it. The only thing that might hold you back is that it IS a period piece, but I beg you, beg you - not to let this stop you from an experience I think that is so truly worhtwhile that it breaks me whenever I set my backbone too straight to bend. I need to be reminded there are causes in this world worth fighting for - and they may not be my own. And that is no reason not so sit back and not get involved.

On the contrary - I should call on my inner Rodrigo, for I have him, fierce, angry, hurt, alone, unloved, unknowing of my penance - I should call on my inner Rodrigo and unleash him on the cause that is just - even if it is not my own. Even if I get hurt. Even if I lose more than I gain. If someone is helped by just the tiniest of my actions, maybe then my soul too will find a place to begin to heal.

Check out the trailer - a tad dated but the movie is definitely not: http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi502333721/

Just released - its a Jerry Bruckheimer film with...Nicholas Cage in it! How extraordinary.

Alright, all you students of history; here's your chance to look sexy for 2.2 seconds. This time it isn't the Declaration of Independence, it's the Lincoln assassination. And the Gates family have to clear their ancestor's name because - gasp - his name is found along with a list of other known conspirators on a missing - now mysteriously found - page of John Wilkes Boothe's diary. Still with me?

Put on your suspension of disbelief hats. No, the big ones. This movie, while entertaining as a romp, has so many holes in it you could call is swiss cheese and not be far off. I won't do a plot synopsis for this one because frankly, my fingers would fall off, there are so many twists and turns. Suffice it to say, after traveling to a couple of different countries clue hunting, the Gates decide The President has a Secret Book, Benjamin needs to see it, convinces the President of it (for which every other President has even denied it's very existence), follows the clues in the book to Mount Rushmore where he finds the lost City of Gold that all those Spanish raiding parties were searching for in the early days of the continent's establishment in Europe's eyes. No, not Florida. The Black Hills!!! So easy to get those two confused.

Seriously, I did have fun with this movie and it held my attention and they brought back all the same characters from the previous movie (except Sean Bean, unfortunately) and added a few new fun ones like Helen Mirren as the former Matron Gates, imposing and scholarly in her own right, and repeatedly mentioning tequila.

The buzz on IMDB is that 'what's on Page 47' is a setup for National Treasure 3, and my advice is - START GETTING BETTER HAIR PIECES FOR NICK CAGE. I've noticed it in the last few movies I've seen and it's just getting worse;  what's next, a frakking afro? Take a page from Travolta's book - there's a way to do it gracefully, and so far, it just is not happening.

Look, this movie won't raise your IQ any, but it is a nice Saturday night, "Wow, that was fun!" movie. Date night, ice-cream in your jammies night, instead of homework night, but I'd choose something slick like Memento or The Prestige for smarts. This is Indiana Jones Lite; all whip but no Indy.

This was an unexpected surprise. Aside from never hearing a thing about it (direct to DVD? A shame.), this should've been a box office thriller - more so than some of the other crap I've seen recently. Bruce Willis teams up with Mos Def in a twist on the buddy-in-a-bind genre.

Firstly, they're not buddies - Willis is a washed-up cop with short time, a torn up knee and a bottle in his desk. Mos Def is a witness Willis is charged to get to the federal courthouse to testify in a "very important case", can you hear the capital letters. The problem - of course, someone doesn't want Def to get to his date with the DA. Compounded by the fact that Willis can barely stand up without a couple of jiggers of Crown Royale more in him. Multiply this by the fact that the people who don't want Def to get to the courthouse are cops. Specifically, buddies of Willis'. Turns out Def has information that these cops are corrupt and took money and did some bad things.

But for some reason, Willis decides today is gonna be the day that he plays hero and gets this witness just 16 blocks to the courthouse. With no car. And not really any ammo. And all the ways blocked off. And every cop in the city persuaded that Willis is the one gone rogue on one of "their own", so tensions are high to find him, "no mattah what," in the NYC vernacular.

After a couple of really innovative scenes on how to get them mere blocks closer within the specified time frame - oh, yes; there is a 10:00 am deadline for the courtroom, Willis makes a move I didn't see coming. He turns to Def and tells him to get out of there and he, Willis, will go to the courtroom. The presumption is that he will draw the fire and allow Mos Def to live and get away, but the case would fall apart. And then he confesses that, no; he was one of those bad cops that Def was gonna testify about, and he could give the same evidence, so the case could still go on. (Screen silence.) (Didn't see that apple cart.)

Def races off and Willis continues on to the courthouse, and a really intense scene plays out between former partners and friends and now enemies in a who-will-live who-will-die standoff. The ending of this standoff is so righteous you just wanna scream "YEAH!" but Mr. No Couch Bouncing doesn't like the yelling, but who really cares, it was that solid.

I didn't think Mos Def had it in him to be as verbose as this role had him play it; he literally had to cover almost every second of silence and action with a non-stop running verbal faucet, and although Def is a mightily accomplished poet and rapper, this had to be really challenging. Completely changed the way I viewed his acting chops. Willis has got to get out of the " cop with a..." milieu, but, doggone it, it does seem to work for him. Gotta be the smirk.

Anyway, maybe you never heard of it, but I can't stop raving about this one. Who would've thought just 16 blocks could take 2 hours, but hey, it is NYC. Kidding. Grab this one - with both hands. Triple Diet Coke (and popcorn, if you're allowed).

Wow. What a performance from Pitt. At one point, the voice over, done to perfection by Hugh Ross who obviously went to the school of "less is more", at one point, he mentions Jesse is afflicted with an ailment which makes him blink his eyes all the time. That's when you notice: Pitt hasn't blinked once since the movie started. It's as though he's taking stock of every thing around him, each last detail - drinking it up. Now you know why, of course; he's made noises about not making movies any more. "There's a time to bow out gracefully, and maybe they'll ask me back every once in a while (sic)."

There's a caged restlessness to him that you're not sure is him or his character. If it's Jesse, then you can tell that living a life like his has begun, as it only can, to take it's toll. He sees law-men everywhere, he moves often and uproots the small family he started. He and his brother quarrel and his brother takes off for the northern states to - of all things - sell shoes. But when we see how Jesse is treated when he is finally killed, we realize Frank had a real reason to go, and we can't blame him.

And Jesse knows, he knows his time is coming; he knows his friends are starting to plot against him. He uncovers plot after plot after plot. And finally, he becomes tired, knowing that he will never have any real life. He will never have any real friends. Nothing in his life will ever be real but the love he has for his wife and children and he doesn't want them hurt in any confrontation by some unscrupulous name-seeker.

So he at least sets himself up with a someone he knows. And takes off his guns, claiming not to want to scare the neighbors. And then "notices" a picture which "shore is dusty", thereby turning his back and giving Robert Ford the perfect shot.  Even so, Ford hesitates for a moment, for this was his hero. But then, he, a name-seeker too, pulls the trigger on the new nickel-plated gun Jesse just gave him the day before.

The humiliations visited on James in death were a little sickening. Whatever else, he was a father, and it would follow to his children someday. I found it a little hard to take.  (I CAN HAVE A CHICK MOMENT WHEN APPROPRIATE!) Then Ford takes to the stage with a nightly retelling of how he killed the infamous Jesse James. He seems surprised when people are not as admiring of his courage as he feels they should be. Well, the man did shoot an unarmed man in the back, even if said unarmed man set himself up.

Public opinion began to turn on Ford, and Jesse James began to be touted in legend as a Robin Hood of the West. Ford found a woman who he could talk to and really confide the truth of the matters to, opened a bar in the middle of nowhere, and tried to remain as anonymous as he could. But there was no remaining  anonymous when you're the man who killed Jesse James.

And he himself was murdered, shot down in his own bar. But all the hype surrounding Jesse's death didn't come for Robert Ford's death. And maybe that was a blessing and maybe it was a curse, but it was the sad, lonely truth of life in the Wild West.

A couple of things - Casey Affleck - got the looks and the  talent in the family, sorry Ben. In this piece, he is absolutely superb, and he is no scene stealer - he leaves room for others in the screen. Brad Pitt more than he ever was in 12 Monkeys is so broken in this movie you want to just reach out and push everyone away and protect him. Again, like in 12 Monkeys, he plays a head case, but it's a different sort - it's the sort that comes from being pursued and knowing your best friend would put a bullet in you for a reward and still going out to see if that friend has made that switch from friend to enemy yet. It's the kind of performance you will rarely see, and if you don't see it, you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.

Idiot.

Ohay, so I'm generally not that fast about getting a review out, but I really really like these Sarah Connor Chronicles. The woman playing Sarah Connor is the same woman who played the wife in 300 - "Come back with your shield....or on it." She had raw sex appeal while trying to play having no sex appeal.

The other part of the threesome is Summer Glau from Firefly. Okay, hair washed and makeup, she is the babe I always knew she could be. Unfortunately she plays another odd character, a Terminator, but this time she plays a different kind of Terminator, one that's been hinted at but not revealed yet.

Unsure about the John character - he's kind of a non-entity for me so far. (All two episodes.) If he's to grow up and lead the resistance, I worry about the resistance. Maybe that's why this Terminator brought them forward in a time-bubble to 2007 (yep, nekkid) to try to stop Skynet. It seems the death of Miles years ago was not enough to sever the time line, and the Judgment Day is still a realistic possibility.

It is also reveled that they were brought forward because Sarah died in the past, of cancer, and she was the strongest fighter John knew, and he needed her to teach him longer. We see sad scenes of Sarah at the oncology center of the hospital getting blood work done trying to see where she is now. Trying to gage how long she has to train John. It's poignant. In the harsh, the world is a cruel place and never trust anyone or anything, mentality she has developed since Kyle died.

Summer Glau's Terminator, "affectionately" termed "Tin Man" by Sarah has been sent to help and protect John and Sarah. She later reveals to an emotionally wracked Sarah that she "gets it"; the "Tin Man" reference, from the Wizard of Oz, written by yada yada yada. She (Sarah) used to read it to John in Spanish when he was a child. He never got a chance to tell her it was something he loved.  Tin Man will be a bridge between Sarah and John, I think.

But now I believe the FBI knows they're back, and back on the radar, even after Sarah and Tin Man had to have  things like 9/11 explained to them by the folks who made their new IDs. The world has changes, and yet, are we really so far from the apocalypse foretold? Life will not be so easy, and will get more difficult every day - Judgment Day...wasn't that in 2007?

This should be interesting.

Listen, since we're entering into this relationship, of sorts, I feel it only fair to warn you that I will never be the fastest one to get to the screen to print out my words and opinions. No, I will be the one who sits back, digests, and then gives you my thoughts and tells you why I think it's utter bollux or supremely brilliant. 

So if you're looking for a quickie - I ain't your gal. Just like I aint the gal who would fall down running in five-inch heels during the crisis chase scene in the movie. To hell with that, I'd take off the shoe and do a little spike heel damage and all we ladies know what that means. And a few men, too; more black men, I suspect: "Don't make her take her shoes off...." Earrings quickly follow.

But I'm gonna give you the honest truth about the movies that are out there, even the ones that Mr. No Bouncy Couch won't watch with me (bought me 6 movies for Christmas he has no interest in seeing whatsoever). His loss. Your gain.

So, I'm SOOOO far behind now but the other site is in the process of being built by pros and I think the combination of the two will really knock your socks off.

And now I will try to catch up with all my late late late late late reviews.

Alexia

Everyone knows I do not listen to reviewers, which is just the most ridiculous scenario ever, since I am reviewing DVDs (at this time) for your pleasure - and mine. But I think most reviewers have become too jaded and are too full of themselves and want to be seen as too high-brow and taken too literally; they're "real" journalists, after all.

Screw that. I AM a real journalist, so I can write what I like about what I like about what I see. (No, I won't tell you where.)

But I am an action-oriented girl: fights, explosions, chase-senses that keep you on the edges of your seats, double-crosses that seem the end of the world until they become double-double-crosses. You know the stuff. Blow it up, char the clothes, get too close to the danger-spot...these are all the things I love, and I bet you I am not the only girl out there who does, but I bet you I am the only one with Curves and Nerves who will lead you on a tour of the best and worst of the genres.

And love every minute of it.

So, Mr. No Couch Bouncing will not go to theatres (sticky floors, people talking, people in general, prices, bathroom breaks where you can't hit "Pause"), and in general, I am in total agreement with him on all aforementioned marks against theatre experiences. Except James Bond in Gromann's (or whoever the hell owns it now) Chinese Theatre seeing "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig, whom I love, but was angry as all hell at his caasting but soon discovered he was the most physically brutal of all the Bonds. Only problem with that one was Eva Green - sexy as hell but accent to kill a small mammal with tusks. In hindsight, Craig was a wonderful choice, and I didn't want Clive Owen to get typecast. *shrug* Sue me. A Blond Bond. I can live with it - can you (filming Bond 22 ((working title at the moment)).) and I'm more than ready.

How did we get from there to here...because I meander like I drink Champagne by the magnum. I do not, but it would be oh-so-nice.

The third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean trillogy was much anticipated and truly without a word spoken, was much ready to be maligned by all without a scene seen. But it had several things going for it : 1)Keith Richards playing Depp's father, whom he reportedly based his character after, 2) Chow Yun-Fat  as one of the treacherous Pirate Lords (and also after "Captain" Jack as Captain Sao Feng from Singapore), 3) the return of Jack Davenport as Captain James Norrington, always of seemingly questionable morality but when it comes to Elizabeth and finding out the truth of matters, we find he is a good man to the core, 4) Bill Nighy as Davy Jones although they killed his pet, sadly, 5) Naomie Harris as the mysterious Tia Dorma, come on the voyage to Worlds End for reasons for her own, and 6) everyone's secret favorite, Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbosa, leading the expedition to the Worlds End to save Jack, although we're not quite sure why. And that damned undead monkey. Why didn't it turn back?

We open after a bunch of hangings in Port Royale where the East India Trading Company has pretty much suspended all rights and has begun hanging people willy-nilly (did I just say that) and suspending all rights to lawyers, due process, and any other legal rights a citizen should have. Just then, a small boy picks up a coin and starts singing a song, outlawed, I'm sure, and the downtrodden crowd starts singing with him. A barrel is found so the boy can reach the noose and is killed outright, and the falling of the coin is a quite poignant sight. A rather humorous (if you like dark humor) note is when a guard runs to Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and says "My Lord, they've started.....singing...." Becket replies, dry as you like, "Well it's about time." Kind of sets the tone.

As the second movie set up, the former crew of the Black Pearl - save Captain Jack Sparrow who went down with the ship - are planning to go to the Wolds End to save their Captain. Tia Dorma is coming for her own reasons. It is a strange and almost "through the looking glass" trip to the other side made by his faithful companions, but as we check in with Jack, we find he's not doing so well himself. It seems there are about twenty of him and they may or may not be hallucinations and he is fighting with one of them over a half a peanut. The rest of them are left to crew the boat, although you're not really sure which one is the TRUE Captain Jack Sparrow. And one of them/him is a chicken. And I think it  lay an egg. And...one of them/a hallucination is a goat, and I think he/a Jack hallucination is having amorous thoughts about it. I could be wrong but it seemed that way to me. Our dear Jack has truly lost whatever small marbles he had left. What's more, the Pearl is not on any water, it's on salt flats, as he finds as he takes a face-first header off the side of the boat. (If that was a special effect, bravo, because it really looked like he did it and it hurt.)

Finally, his friends find him, but are not quite sure how to get the Pearl to water, as their ship was crashed in the transition from our world to the next. Tia Dorma proves helpful here, as well, and from beneath her skirts come millions and millions of crabs - don't read into it, just appreciate the help. The crabs carry the ship to the water and get her afloat and Jack figures out the next step, although there is hostility with Barbosa about exactly WHO is the captain of the ship. Get over it already.   

Once returned to the right side of the world, the Black Pearl and captain(s) head to the meeting of the Pirate Lords, help to be set up on the sly by Will Turner, and we finally  get to meet the infamous father of Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Teague, who is the keeper of the Pirate Lore and Legends and the Rules for which all must abide. And he plays a guitar. Who saw that one coming? And he's more coherent than Sparrow - who saw THAT one coming?

Barbosa plays a dangerous game and says that the goddess Calypso is with them in corporeal form, locked away as she was by the old Pirate Lords years ago, and it is time to let her go. Sao Fang asks only to accompany Elizabeth to the meeting place on his boat and he will leave her alone. She agrees, angering Will, who believes she is keeping secrets from him. Once on Sao Feng's boat it becomes apparent that he thinks she is Calypso, and if he sets her free, he would be her humble servant in exchange for small favors. Suddenly they are attacked by the EITC and Sao Feng is pierced trough the heart by a beam. He gives her his piece to free her anyway, believing it to be the right thing to do, and makes her Captain of his ship.

Suddenly, Elizabeth has a place at the Pirate Lord voting table. But since all the Pirate Lords seem to fight and vote only for themselves, they are at somewhat of a stalemate. Elizabeth wants to fight the East India Trading Company, believing them immoral, and taking over too much of the waters, trade, tariffs, and more. She believes they can win. It is put to a vote - Captain Teague brings out an ancient book that says that all the Pirate Lords have to vote for a Pirate King, and only the Pirate King can decide upon a course of action.

Of course, all the Pirate Lords vote for themselves...except Jack. Jack has a plan where he thinks he will take over the Flying Dutchman as the captain and therefore never die. So Jack votes for Elizabeth, knowing the EITC will call out the Flying Dutchman first to render their foe helpless. Meanwhile, a tender scene takes place in the cells beneath the ships where Tia Dorma, the real Calypso, is visited by her Davy Jones.

"I waited after ten years for you to show up and you never did...why?" He asks painfully. "It's in my nature," she responds. "Would you have me any other way?" He walks around for a minute, angry, confused, hurt, and she says "But I would like to give you my heart, if you will let me." To which he becomes furious, and she reminds him - "You were given one job - to help the dead to the other side, and you have no done that, Davy Jones. And for dat, you will pay." And this is no empty threat she is making, you can tell.

Barbosa, greedy as ever has somehow collected or stolen all the pieces to make Calypso whole again, and right in the middle of the battle of the Pearl heading to the Dutchman, Calypso is freed. She becomes the attack of the 50- foot woman with a vengeance (with reason) and she creates a whirlpool, to which both ships are sucked in, saved only from sinking lower by their masts becoming entangled. They circle round and round and their crews fight vicious battles and Will's father is so far gone that he doesn't even recognize him, he's become part of the ship, even trying to attack him at one time. Elizabeth, having been taken prisoner on the Dutchman before and spoken to Bootstrap in his ship-dementia hears that he is sure that Will will come back for him, but that he can't stay and save him, because to save him, he would have to kill the Captain, thereby giving up any life with Elizabeth. It's a tragic moment and one pregnant with foreshadowing.

The fight rages on and on and finally Will and Elizabeth convince Barbosa as Captain of the ship to marry them, and in a rare moment of heart, Barbosa performs the deed, and we get the kiss we waited three movies for. But the battles are not done yet, and the situations are dire indeed. Both ships are in grave peril. Finally Will gets to The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones and is ready to save his father, and Jack is already there, good Jack on one shoulder telling him to do what's right and moral and just, and bad Jack is on the other shoulder telling him to run like hell and get out of there, but Jack stays, despite his voices, ready to enact his plan to thwart death. And Elizabeth is there to see the awful inevitability no matter what happens. And Will is struck down by a stray sword. And Jones laughs at him and makes a joke of his life and his love. And Bootstrap carrys the Chest and says like the true member of the crew that he has become, "the Ship must have a Captain." Repeating the statement menacingly and approaching with purpose, we suddenly turn to see Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth sticking a knife into Davy Jones heart. I suppose it doesn't matter he is dead - it is his hand that slays the heart of Davy Jones.

And the crew begins to approach, and their fishy appendages begin to fall off for the sins of the Captain have no longer become their own. They are men once more. And Will Turner knows his job - to escort dead souls from one side to the other. And once every ten years, he gets one day a year with his love. He offers his father his freedom - he has done all this to free his father, but his father says that he wants to serve with his son, so his son tells him to take the wheel.  And the East India Trading Company has no idea that a vital change has been made.

The Pearl approaches Beckett's ship on one side and The Dutchman on the other, and the ship is essentially blown to bits, with Beckett repeating over and over "it was only good business..." And we see Beckett sink to the bottom wrapped in his precious EIO flag.

And the movie ends with Will and Elizabeth's one day on shore - their wedding day. The long awaited, much anticipated, and dearly deserved. And he asks her to hold his heart in the chest - it's always belonged to her, anyway, he claimed. She agrees, and...save for some humorous bits, c'est finis.

And a fine finish, if not sad and not deserved if you ask me. But a romp and a riot and never a dull moment and the extras - like the goofs make it well worth it.

So keep a weather eye on the horizon. The Soundtrack is well worth the investment as well.

An Eight - oooooooooh! on my one to ten scale.