Movies, Music, TV, Books - Curves with Nerves
http://blog.alexiaoneil.com
Syndicate
Custom Text
Counter
Movies, Music, Books: from Curves with Nerves
It ain't Shakespeare, It's National Treasure 2
Just released - its a Jerry Bruckheimer film with...Nicholas Cage in it! How extraordinary.
Alright, all you students of history; here's your chance to look sexy for 2.2 seconds. This time it isn't the Declaration of Independence, it's the Lincoln assassination. And the Gates family have to clear their ancestor's name because - gasp - his name is found along with a list of other known conspirators on a missing - now mysteriously found - page of John Wilkes Boothe's diary. Still with me?
Put on your suspension of disbelief hats. No, the big ones. This movie, while entertaining as a romp, has so many holes in it you could call is swiss cheese and not be far off. I won't do a plot synopsis for this one because frankly, my fingers would fall off, there are so many twists and turns. Suffice it to say, after traveling to a couple of different countries clue hunting, the Gates decide The President has a Secret Book, Benjamin needs to see it, convinces the President of it (for which every other President has even denied it's very existence), follows the clues in the book to Mount Rushmore where he finds the lost City of Gold that all those Spanish raiding parties were searching for in the early days of the continent's establishment in Europe's eyes. No, not Florida. The Black Hills!!! So easy to get those two confused.
Seriously, I did have fun with this movie and it held my attention and they brought back all the same characters from the previous movie (except Sean Bean, unfortunately) and added a few new fun ones like Helen Mirren as the former Matron Gates, imposing and scholarly in her own right, and repeatedly mentioning tequila.
The buzz on IMDB is that 'what's on Page 47' is a setup for National Treasure 3, and my advice is - START GETTING BETTER HAIR PIECES FOR NICK CAGE. I've noticed it in the last few movies I've seen and it's just getting worse; what's next, a frakking afro? Take a page from Travolta's book - there's a way to do it gracefully, and so far, it just is not happening.
Look, this movie won't raise your IQ any, but it is a nice Saturday night, "Wow, that was fun!" movie. Date night, ice-cream in your jammies night, instead of homework night, but I'd choose something slick like Memento or The Prestige for smarts. This is Indiana Jones Lite; all whip but no Indy.
Alright, all you students of history; here's your chance to look sexy for 2.2 seconds. This time it isn't the Declaration of Independence, it's the Lincoln assassination. And the Gates family have to clear their ancestor's name because - gasp - his name is found along with a list of other known conspirators on a missing - now mysteriously found - page of John Wilkes Boothe's diary. Still with me?
Put on your suspension of disbelief hats. No, the big ones. This movie, while entertaining as a romp, has so many holes in it you could call is swiss cheese and not be far off. I won't do a plot synopsis for this one because frankly, my fingers would fall off, there are so many twists and turns. Suffice it to say, after traveling to a couple of different countries clue hunting, the Gates decide The President has a Secret Book, Benjamin needs to see it, convinces the President of it (for which every other President has even denied it's very existence), follows the clues in the book to Mount Rushmore where he finds the lost City of Gold that all those Spanish raiding parties were searching for in the early days of the continent's establishment in Europe's eyes. No, not Florida. The Black Hills!!! So easy to get those two confused.
Seriously, I did have fun with this movie and it held my attention and they brought back all the same characters from the previous movie (except Sean Bean, unfortunately) and added a few new fun ones like Helen Mirren as the former Matron Gates, imposing and scholarly in her own right, and repeatedly mentioning tequila.
The buzz on IMDB is that 'what's on Page 47' is a setup for National Treasure 3, and my advice is - START GETTING BETTER HAIR PIECES FOR NICK CAGE. I've noticed it in the last few movies I've seen and it's just getting worse; what's next, a frakking afro? Take a page from Travolta's book - there's a way to do it gracefully, and so far, it just is not happening.
Look, this movie won't raise your IQ any, but it is a nice Saturday night, "Wow, that was fun!" movie. Date night, ice-cream in your jammies night, instead of homework night, but I'd choose something slick like Memento or The Prestige for smarts. This is Indiana Jones Lite; all whip but no Indy.
16 Blocks and more words from Mos Def than you'll ever hear EVER
This was an unexpected surprise. Aside from never hearing a thing about it (direct to DVD? A shame.), this should've been a box office thriller - more so than some of the other crap I've seen recently. Bruce Willis teams up with Mos Def in a twist on the buddy-in-a-bind genre.
Firstly, they're not buddies - Willis is a washed-up cop with short time, a torn up knee and a bottle in his desk. Mos Def is a witness Willis is charged to get to the federal courthouse to testify in a "very important case", can you hear the capital letters. The problem - of course, someone doesn't want Def to get to his date with the DA. Compounded by the fact that Willis can barely stand up without a couple of jiggers of Crown Royale more in him. Multiply this by the fact that the people who don't want Def to get to the courthouse are cops. Specifically, buddies of Willis'. Turns out Def has information that these cops are corrupt and took money and did some bad things.
But for some reason, Willis decides today is gonna be the day that he plays hero and gets this witness just 16 blocks to the courthouse. With no car. And not really any ammo. And all the ways blocked off. And every cop in the city persuaded that Willis is the one gone rogue on one of "their own", so tensions are high to find him, "no mattah what," in the NYC vernacular.
After a couple of really innovative scenes on how to get them mere blocks closer within the specified time frame - oh, yes; there is a 10:00 am deadline for the courtroom, Willis makes a move I didn't see coming. He turns to Def and tells him to get out of there and he, Willis, will go to the courtroom. The presumption is that he will draw the fire and allow Mos Def to live and get away, but the case would fall apart. And then he confesses that, no; he was one of those bad cops that Def was gonna testify about, and he could give the same evidence, so the case could still go on. (Screen silence.) (Didn't see that apple cart.)
Def races off and Willis continues on to the courthouse, and a really intense scene plays out between former partners and friends and now enemies in a who-will-live who-will-die standoff. The ending of this standoff is so righteous you just wanna scream "YEAH!" but Mr. No Couch Bouncing doesn't like the yelling, but who really cares, it was that solid.
I didn't think Mos Def had it in him to be as verbose as this role had him play it; he literally had to cover almost every second of silence and action with a non-stop running verbal faucet, and although Def is a mightily accomplished poet and rapper, this had to be really challenging. Completely changed the way I viewed his acting chops. Willis has got to get out of the " cop with a..." milieu, but, doggone it, it does seem to work for him. Gotta be the smirk.
Anyway, maybe you never heard of it, but I can't stop raving about this one. Who would've thought just 16 blocks could take 2 hours, but hey, it is NYC. Kidding. Grab this one - with both hands. Triple Diet Coke (and popcorn, if you're allowed).
Firstly, they're not buddies - Willis is a washed-up cop with short time, a torn up knee and a bottle in his desk. Mos Def is a witness Willis is charged to get to the federal courthouse to testify in a "very important case", can you hear the capital letters. The problem - of course, someone doesn't want Def to get to his date with the DA. Compounded by the fact that Willis can barely stand up without a couple of jiggers of Crown Royale more in him. Multiply this by the fact that the people who don't want Def to get to the courthouse are cops. Specifically, buddies of Willis'. Turns out Def has information that these cops are corrupt and took money and did some bad things.
But for some reason, Willis decides today is gonna be the day that he plays hero and gets this witness just 16 blocks to the courthouse. With no car. And not really any ammo. And all the ways blocked off. And every cop in the city persuaded that Willis is the one gone rogue on one of "their own", so tensions are high to find him, "no mattah what," in the NYC vernacular.
After a couple of really innovative scenes on how to get them mere blocks closer within the specified time frame - oh, yes; there is a 10:00 am deadline for the courtroom, Willis makes a move I didn't see coming. He turns to Def and tells him to get out of there and he, Willis, will go to the courtroom. The presumption is that he will draw the fire and allow Mos Def to live and get away, but the case would fall apart. And then he confesses that, no; he was one of those bad cops that Def was gonna testify about, and he could give the same evidence, so the case could still go on. (Screen silence.) (Didn't see that apple cart.)
Def races off and Willis continues on to the courthouse, and a really intense scene plays out between former partners and friends and now enemies in a who-will-live who-will-die standoff. The ending of this standoff is so righteous you just wanna scream "YEAH!" but Mr. No Couch Bouncing doesn't like the yelling, but who really cares, it was that solid.
I didn't think Mos Def had it in him to be as verbose as this role had him play it; he literally had to cover almost every second of silence and action with a non-stop running verbal faucet, and although Def is a mightily accomplished poet and rapper, this had to be really challenging. Completely changed the way I viewed his acting chops. Willis has got to get out of the " cop with a..." milieu, but, doggone it, it does seem to work for him. Gotta be the smirk.
Anyway, maybe you never heard of it, but I can't stop raving about this one. Who would've thought just 16 blocks could take 2 hours, but hey, it is NYC. Kidding. Grab this one - with both hands. Triple Diet Coke (and popcorn, if you're allowed).
The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Wow. What a performance from Pitt. At one point, the voice over, done to perfection by Hugh Ross who obviously went to the school of "less is more", at one point, he mentions Jesse is afflicted with an ailment which makes him blink his eyes all the time. That's when you notice: Pitt hasn't blinked once since the movie started. It's as though he's taking stock of every thing around him, each last detail - drinking it up. Now you know why, of course; he's made noises about not making movies any more. "There's a time to bow out gracefully, and maybe they'll ask me back every once in a while (sic)."
There's a caged restlessness to him that you're not sure is him or his character. If it's Jesse, then you can tell that living a life like his has begun, as it only can, to take it's toll. He sees law-men everywhere, he moves often and uproots the small family he started. He and his brother quarrel and his brother takes off for the northern states to - of all things - sell shoes. But when we see how Jesse is treated when he is finally killed, we realize Frank had a real reason to go, and we can't blame him.
And Jesse knows, he knows his time is coming; he knows his friends are starting to plot against him. He uncovers plot after plot after plot. And finally, he becomes tired, knowing that he will never have any real life. He will never have any real friends. Nothing in his life will ever be real but the love he has for his wife and children and he doesn't want them hurt in any confrontation by some unscrupulous name-seeker.
So he at least sets himself up with a someone he knows. And takes off his guns, claiming not to want to scare the neighbors. And then "notices" a picture which "shore is dusty", thereby turning his back and giving Robert Ford the perfect shot. Even so, Ford hesitates for a moment, for this was his hero. But then, he, a name-seeker too, pulls the trigger on the new nickel-plated gun Jesse just gave him the day before.
The humiliations visited on James in death were a little sickening. Whatever else, he was a father, and it would follow to his children someday. I found it a little hard to take. (I CAN HAVE A CHICK MOMENT WHEN APPROPRIATE!) Then Ford takes to the stage with a nightly retelling of how he killed the infamous Jesse James. He seems surprised when people are not as admiring of his courage as he feels they should be. Well, the man did shoot an unarmed man in the back, even if said unarmed man set himself up.
Public opinion began to turn on Ford, and Jesse James began to be touted in legend as a Robin Hood of the West. Ford found a woman who he could talk to and really confide the truth of the matters to, opened a bar in the middle of nowhere, and tried to remain as anonymous as he could. But there was no remaining anonymous when you're the man who killed Jesse James.
And he himself was murdered, shot down in his own bar. But all the hype surrounding Jesse's death didn't come for Robert Ford's death. And maybe that was a blessing and maybe it was a curse, but it was the sad, lonely truth of life in the Wild West.
A couple of things - Casey Affleck - got the looks and the talent in the family, sorry Ben. In this piece, he is absolutely superb, and he is no scene stealer - he leaves room for others in the screen. Brad Pitt more than he ever was in 12 Monkeys is so broken in this movie you want to just reach out and push everyone away and protect him. Again, like in 12 Monkeys, he plays a head case, but it's a different sort - it's the sort that comes from being pursued and knowing your best friend would put a bullet in you for a reward and still going out to see if that friend has made that switch from friend to enemy yet. It's the kind of performance you will rarely see, and if you don't see it, you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.
Idiot.
There's a caged restlessness to him that you're not sure is him or his character. If it's Jesse, then you can tell that living a life like his has begun, as it only can, to take it's toll. He sees law-men everywhere, he moves often and uproots the small family he started. He and his brother quarrel and his brother takes off for the northern states to - of all things - sell shoes. But when we see how Jesse is treated when he is finally killed, we realize Frank had a real reason to go, and we can't blame him.
And Jesse knows, he knows his time is coming; he knows his friends are starting to plot against him. He uncovers plot after plot after plot. And finally, he becomes tired, knowing that he will never have any real life. He will never have any real friends. Nothing in his life will ever be real but the love he has for his wife and children and he doesn't want them hurt in any confrontation by some unscrupulous name-seeker.
So he at least sets himself up with a someone he knows. And takes off his guns, claiming not to want to scare the neighbors. And then "notices" a picture which "shore is dusty", thereby turning his back and giving Robert Ford the perfect shot. Even so, Ford hesitates for a moment, for this was his hero. But then, he, a name-seeker too, pulls the trigger on the new nickel-plated gun Jesse just gave him the day before.
The humiliations visited on James in death were a little sickening. Whatever else, he was a father, and it would follow to his children someday. I found it a little hard to take. (I CAN HAVE A CHICK MOMENT WHEN APPROPRIATE!) Then Ford takes to the stage with a nightly retelling of how he killed the infamous Jesse James. He seems surprised when people are not as admiring of his courage as he feels they should be. Well, the man did shoot an unarmed man in the back, even if said unarmed man set himself up.
Public opinion began to turn on Ford, and Jesse James began to be touted in legend as a Robin Hood of the West. Ford found a woman who he could talk to and really confide the truth of the matters to, opened a bar in the middle of nowhere, and tried to remain as anonymous as he could. But there was no remaining anonymous when you're the man who killed Jesse James.
And he himself was murdered, shot down in his own bar. But all the hype surrounding Jesse's death didn't come for Robert Ford's death. And maybe that was a blessing and maybe it was a curse, but it was the sad, lonely truth of life in the Wild West.
A couple of things - Casey Affleck - got the looks and the talent in the family, sorry Ben. In this piece, he is absolutely superb, and he is no scene stealer - he leaves room for others in the screen. Brad Pitt more than he ever was in 12 Monkeys is so broken in this movie you want to just reach out and push everyone away and protect him. Again, like in 12 Monkeys, he plays a head case, but it's a different sort - it's the sort that comes from being pursued and knowing your best friend would put a bullet in you for a reward and still going out to see if that friend has made that switch from friend to enemy yet. It's the kind of performance you will rarely see, and if you don't see it, you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.
Idiot.
No Hasta La Vista but She Swallowed a Bug
Ohay, so I'm generally not that fast about getting a review out, but I really really like these Sarah Connor Chronicles. The woman playing Sarah Connor is the same woman who played the wife in 300 - "Come back with your shield....or on it." She had raw sex appeal while trying to play having no sex appeal.
The other part of the threesome is Summer Glau from Firefly. Okay, hair washed and makeup, she is the babe I always knew she could be. Unfortunately she plays another odd character, a Terminator, but this time she plays a different kind of Terminator, one that's been hinted at but not revealed yet.
Unsure about the John character - he's kind of a non-entity for me so far. (All two episodes.) If he's to grow up and lead the resistance, I worry about the resistance. Maybe that's why this Terminator brought them forward in a time-bubble to 2007 (yep, nekkid) to try to stop Skynet. It seems the death of Miles years ago was not enough to sever the time line, and the Judgment Day is still a realistic possibility.
It is also reveled that they were brought forward because Sarah died in the past, of cancer, and she was the strongest fighter John knew, and he needed her to teach him longer. We see sad scenes of Sarah at the oncology center of the hospital getting blood work done trying to see where she is now. Trying to gage how long she has to train John. It's poignant. In the harsh, the world is a cruel place and never trust anyone or anything, mentality she has developed since Kyle died.
Summer Glau's Terminator, "affectionately" termed "Tin Man" by Sarah has been sent to help and protect John and Sarah. She later reveals to an emotionally wracked Sarah that she "gets it"; the "Tin Man" reference, from the Wizard of Oz, written by yada yada yada. She (Sarah) used to read it to John in Spanish when he was a child. He never got a chance to tell her it was something he loved. Tin Man will be a bridge between Sarah and John, I think.
But now I believe the FBI knows they're back, and back on the radar, even after Sarah and Tin Man had to have things like 9/11 explained to them by the folks who made their new IDs. The world has changes, and yet, are we really so far from the apocalypse foretold? Life will not be so easy, and will get more difficult every day - Judgment Day...wasn't that in 2007?
This should be interesting.
The other part of the threesome is Summer Glau from Firefly. Okay, hair washed and makeup, she is the babe I always knew she could be. Unfortunately she plays another odd character, a Terminator, but this time she plays a different kind of Terminator, one that's been hinted at but not revealed yet.
Unsure about the John character - he's kind of a non-entity for me so far. (All two episodes.) If he's to grow up and lead the resistance, I worry about the resistance. Maybe that's why this Terminator brought them forward in a time-bubble to 2007 (yep, nekkid) to try to stop Skynet. It seems the death of Miles years ago was not enough to sever the time line, and the Judgment Day is still a realistic possibility.
It is also reveled that they were brought forward because Sarah died in the past, of cancer, and she was the strongest fighter John knew, and he needed her to teach him longer. We see sad scenes of Sarah at the oncology center of the hospital getting blood work done trying to see where she is now. Trying to gage how long she has to train John. It's poignant. In the harsh, the world is a cruel place and never trust anyone or anything, mentality she has developed since Kyle died.
Summer Glau's Terminator, "affectionately" termed "Tin Man" by Sarah has been sent to help and protect John and Sarah. She later reveals to an emotionally wracked Sarah that she "gets it"; the "Tin Man" reference, from the Wizard of Oz, written by yada yada yada. She (Sarah) used to read it to John in Spanish when he was a child. He never got a chance to tell her it was something he loved. Tin Man will be a bridge between Sarah and John, I think.
But now I believe the FBI knows they're back, and back on the radar, even after Sarah and Tin Man had to have things like 9/11 explained to them by the folks who made their new IDs. The world has changes, and yet, are we really so far from the apocalypse foretold? Life will not be so easy, and will get more difficult every day - Judgment Day...wasn't that in 2007?
This should be interesting.
There's always going to be a problem here
Listen, since we're entering into this relationship, of sorts, I feel it only fair to warn you that I will never be the fastest one to get to the screen to print out my words and opinions. No, I will be the one who sits back, digests, and then gives you my thoughts and tells you why I think it's utter bollux or supremely brilliant.
So if you're looking for a quickie - I ain't your gal. Just like I aint the gal who would fall down running in five-inch heels during the crisis chase scene in the movie. To hell with that, I'd take off the shoe and do a little spike heel damage and all we ladies know what that means. And a few men, too; more black men, I suspect: "Don't make her take her shoes off...." Earrings quickly follow.
But I'm gonna give you the honest truth about the movies that are out there, even the ones that Mr. No Bouncy Couch won't watch with me (bought me 6 movies for Christmas he has no interest in seeing whatsoever). His loss. Your gain.
So, I'm SOOOO far behind now but the other site is in the process of being built by pros and I think the combination of the two will really knock your socks off.
And now I will try to catch up with all my late late late late late reviews.
Alexia
So if you're looking for a quickie - I ain't your gal. Just like I aint the gal who would fall down running in five-inch heels during the crisis chase scene in the movie. To hell with that, I'd take off the shoe and do a little spike heel damage and all we ladies know what that means. And a few men, too; more black men, I suspect: "Don't make her take her shoes off...." Earrings quickly follow.
But I'm gonna give you the honest truth about the movies that are out there, even the ones that Mr. No Bouncy Couch won't watch with me (bought me 6 movies for Christmas he has no interest in seeing whatsoever). His loss. Your gain.
So, I'm SOOOO far behind now but the other site is in the process of being built by pros and I think the combination of the two will really knock your socks off.
And now I will try to catch up with all my late late late late late reviews.
Alexia
Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End and a little Calypso thrown in for a woman scorned
Everyone knows I do not listen to reviewers, which is just the most ridiculous scenario ever, since I am reviewing DVDs (at this time) for your pleasure - and mine. But I think most reviewers have become too jaded and are too full of themselves and want to be seen as too high-brow and taken too literally; they're "real" journalists, after all.
Screw that. I AM a real journalist, so I can write what I like about what I like about what I see. (No, I won't tell you where.)
But I am an action-oriented girl: fights, explosions, chase-senses that keep you on the edges of your seats, double-crosses that seem the end of the world until they become double-double-crosses. You know the stuff. Blow it up, char the clothes, get too close to the danger-spot...these are all the things I love, and I bet you I am not the only girl out there who does, but I bet you I am the only one with Curves and Nerves who will lead you on a tour of the best and worst of the genres.
And love every minute of it.
So, Mr. No Couch Bouncing will not go to theatres (sticky floors, people talking, people in general, prices, bathroom breaks where you can't hit "Pause"), and in general, I am in total agreement with him on all aforementioned marks against theatre experiences. Except James Bond in Gromann's (or whoever the hell owns it now) Chinese Theatre seeing "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig, whom I love, but was angry as all hell at his caasting but soon discovered he was the most physically brutal of all the Bonds. Only problem with that one was Eva Green - sexy as hell but accent to kill a small mammal with tusks. In hindsight, Craig was a wonderful choice, and I didn't want Clive Owen to get typecast. *shrug* Sue me. A Blond Bond. I can live with it - can you (filming Bond 22 ((working title at the moment)).) and I'm more than ready.
How did we get from there to here...because I meander like I drink Champagne by the magnum. I do not, but it would be oh-so-nice.
The third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean trillogy was much anticipated and truly without a word spoken, was much ready to be maligned by all without a scene seen. But it had several things going for it : 1)Keith Richards playing Depp's father, whom he reportedly based his character after, 2) Chow Yun-Fat as one of the treacherous Pirate Lords (and also after "Captain" Jack as Captain Sao Feng from Singapore), 3) the return of Jack Davenport as Captain James Norrington, always of seemingly questionable morality but when it comes to Elizabeth and finding out the truth of matters, we find he is a good man to the core, 4) Bill Nighy as Davy Jones although they killed his pet, sadly, 5) Naomie Harris as the mysterious Tia Dorma, come on the voyage to Worlds End for reasons for her own, and 6) everyone's secret favorite, Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbosa, leading the expedition to the Worlds End to save Jack, although we're not quite sure why. And that damned undead monkey. Why didn't it turn back?
We open after a bunch of hangings in Port Royale where the East India Trading Company has pretty much suspended all rights and has begun hanging people willy-nilly (did I just say that) and suspending all rights to lawyers, due process, and any other legal rights a citizen should have. Just then, a small boy picks up a coin and starts singing a song, outlawed, I'm sure, and the downtrodden crowd starts singing with him. A barrel is found so the boy can reach the noose and is killed outright, and the falling of the coin is a quite poignant sight. A rather humorous (if you like dark humor) note is when a guard runs to Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and says "My Lord, they've started.....singing...." Becket replies, dry as you like, "Well it's about time." Kind of sets the tone.
As the second movie set up, the former crew of the Black Pearl - save Captain Jack Sparrow who went down with the ship - are planning to go to the Wolds End to save their Captain. Tia Dorma is coming for her own reasons. It is a strange and almost "through the looking glass" trip to the other side made by his faithful companions, but as we check in with Jack, we find he's not doing so well himself. It seems there are about twenty of him and they may or may not be hallucinations and he is fighting with one of them over a half a peanut. The rest of them are left to crew the boat, although you're not really sure which one is the TRUE Captain Jack Sparrow. And one of them/him is a chicken. And I think it lay an egg. And...one of them/a hallucination is a goat, and I think he/a Jack hallucination is having amorous thoughts about it. I could be wrong but it seemed that way to me. Our dear Jack has truly lost whatever small marbles he had left. What's more, the Pearl is not on any water, it's on salt flats, as he finds as he takes a face-first header off the side of the boat. (If that was a special effect, bravo, because it really looked like he did it and it hurt.)
Finally, his friends find him, but are not quite sure how to get the Pearl to water, as their ship was crashed in the transition from our world to the next. Tia Dorma proves helpful here, as well, and from beneath her skirts come millions and millions of crabs - don't read into it, just appreciate the help. The crabs carry the ship to the water and get her afloat and Jack figures out the next step, although there is hostility with Barbosa about exactly WHO is the captain of the ship. Get over it already.
Once returned to the right side of the world, the Black Pearl and captain(s) head to the meeting of the Pirate Lords, help to be set up on the sly by Will Turner, and we finally get to meet the infamous father of Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Teague, who is the keeper of the Pirate Lore and Legends and the Rules for which all must abide. And he plays a guitar. Who saw that one coming? And he's more coherent than Sparrow - who saw THAT one coming?
Barbosa plays a dangerous game and says that the goddess Calypso is with them in corporeal form, locked away as she was by the old Pirate Lords years ago, and it is time to let her go. Sao Fang asks only to accompany Elizabeth to the meeting place on his boat and he will leave her alone. She agrees, angering Will, who believes she is keeping secrets from him. Once on Sao Feng's boat it becomes apparent that he thinks she is Calypso, and if he sets her free, he would be her humble servant in exchange for small favors. Suddenly they are attacked by the EITC and Sao Feng is pierced trough the heart by a beam. He gives her his piece to free her anyway, believing it to be the right thing to do, and makes her Captain of his ship.
Suddenly, Elizabeth has a place at the Pirate Lord voting table. But since all the Pirate Lords seem to fight and vote only for themselves, they are at somewhat of a stalemate. Elizabeth wants to fight the East India Trading Company, believing them immoral, and taking over too much of the waters, trade, tariffs, and more. She believes they can win. It is put to a vote - Captain Teague brings out an ancient book that says that all the Pirate Lords have to vote for a Pirate King, and only the Pirate King can decide upon a course of action.
Of course, all the Pirate Lords vote for themselves...except Jack. Jack has a plan where he thinks he will take over the Flying Dutchman as the captain and therefore never die. So Jack votes for Elizabeth, knowing the EITC will call out the Flying Dutchman first to render their foe helpless. Meanwhile, a tender scene takes place in the cells beneath the ships where Tia Dorma, the real Calypso, is visited by her Davy Jones.
"I waited after ten years for you to show up and you never did...why?" He asks painfully. "It's in my nature," she responds. "Would you have me any other way?" He walks around for a minute, angry, confused, hurt, and she says "But I would like to give you my heart, if you will let me." To which he becomes furious, and she reminds him - "You were given one job - to help the dead to the other side, and you have no done that, Davy Jones. And for dat, you will pay." And this is no empty threat she is making, you can tell.
Barbosa, greedy as ever has somehow collected or stolen all the pieces to make Calypso whole again, and right in the middle of the battle of the Pearl heading to the Dutchman, Calypso is freed. She becomes the attack of the 50- foot woman with a vengeance (with reason) and she creates a whirlpool, to which both ships are sucked in, saved only from sinking lower by their masts becoming entangled. They circle round and round and their crews fight vicious battles and Will's father is so far gone that he doesn't even recognize him, he's become part of the ship, even trying to attack him at one time. Elizabeth, having been taken prisoner on the Dutchman before and spoken to Bootstrap in his ship-dementia hears that he is sure that Will will come back for him, but that he can't stay and save him, because to save him, he would have to kill the Captain, thereby giving up any life with Elizabeth. It's a tragic moment and one pregnant with foreshadowing.
The fight rages on and on and finally Will and Elizabeth convince Barbosa as Captain of the ship to marry them, and in a rare moment of heart, Barbosa performs the deed, and we get the kiss we waited three movies for. But the battles are not done yet, and the situations are dire indeed. Both ships are in grave peril. Finally Will gets to The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones and is ready to save his father, and Jack is already there, good Jack on one shoulder telling him to do what's right and moral and just, and bad Jack is on the other shoulder telling him to run like hell and get out of there, but Jack stays, despite his voices, ready to enact his plan to thwart death. And Elizabeth is there to see the awful inevitability no matter what happens. And Will is struck down by a stray sword. And Jones laughs at him and makes a joke of his life and his love. And Bootstrap carrys the Chest and says like the true member of the crew that he has become, "the Ship must have a Captain." Repeating the statement menacingly and approaching with purpose, we suddenly turn to see Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth sticking a knife into Davy Jones heart. I suppose it doesn't matter he is dead - it is his hand that slays the heart of Davy Jones.
And the crew begins to approach, and their fishy appendages begin to fall off for the sins of the Captain have no longer become their own. They are men once more. And Will Turner knows his job - to escort dead souls from one side to the other. And once every ten years, he gets one day a year with his love. He offers his father his freedom - he has done all this to free his father, but his father says that he wants to serve with his son, so his son tells him to take the wheel. And the East India Trading Company has no idea that a vital change has been made.
The Pearl approaches Beckett's ship on one side and The Dutchman on the other, and the ship is essentially blown to bits, with Beckett repeating over and over "it was only good business..." And we see Beckett sink to the bottom wrapped in his precious EIO flag.
And the movie ends with Will and Elizabeth's one day on shore - their wedding day. The long awaited, much anticipated, and dearly deserved. And he asks her to hold his heart in the chest - it's always belonged to her, anyway, he claimed. She agrees, and...save for some humorous bits, c'est finis.
And a fine finish, if not sad and not deserved if you ask me. But a romp and a riot and never a dull moment and the extras - like the goofs make it well worth it.
So keep a weather eye on the horizon. The Soundtrack is well worth the investment as well.
An Eight - oooooooooh! on my one to ten scale.
Screw that. I AM a real journalist, so I can write what I like about what I like about what I see. (No, I won't tell you where.)
But I am an action-oriented girl: fights, explosions, chase-senses that keep you on the edges of your seats, double-crosses that seem the end of the world until they become double-double-crosses. You know the stuff. Blow it up, char the clothes, get too close to the danger-spot...these are all the things I love, and I bet you I am not the only girl out there who does, but I bet you I am the only one with Curves and Nerves who will lead you on a tour of the best and worst of the genres.
And love every minute of it.
So, Mr. No Couch Bouncing will not go to theatres (sticky floors, people talking, people in general, prices, bathroom breaks where you can't hit "Pause"), and in general, I am in total agreement with him on all aforementioned marks against theatre experiences. Except James Bond in Gromann's (or whoever the hell owns it now) Chinese Theatre seeing "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig, whom I love, but was angry as all hell at his caasting but soon discovered he was the most physically brutal of all the Bonds. Only problem with that one was Eva Green - sexy as hell but accent to kill a small mammal with tusks. In hindsight, Craig was a wonderful choice, and I didn't want Clive Owen to get typecast. *shrug* Sue me. A Blond Bond. I can live with it - can you (filming Bond 22 ((working title at the moment)).) and I'm more than ready.
How did we get from there to here...because I meander like I drink Champagne by the magnum. I do not, but it would be oh-so-nice.
The third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean trillogy was much anticipated and truly without a word spoken, was much ready to be maligned by all without a scene seen. But it had several things going for it : 1)Keith Richards playing Depp's father, whom he reportedly based his character after, 2) Chow Yun-Fat as one of the treacherous Pirate Lords (and also after "Captain" Jack as Captain Sao Feng from Singapore), 3) the return of Jack Davenport as Captain James Norrington, always of seemingly questionable morality but when it comes to Elizabeth and finding out the truth of matters, we find he is a good man to the core, 4) Bill Nighy as Davy Jones although they killed his pet, sadly, 5) Naomie Harris as the mysterious Tia Dorma, come on the voyage to Worlds End for reasons for her own, and 6) everyone's secret favorite, Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbosa, leading the expedition to the Worlds End to save Jack, although we're not quite sure why. And that damned undead monkey. Why didn't it turn back?
We open after a bunch of hangings in Port Royale where the East India Trading Company has pretty much suspended all rights and has begun hanging people willy-nilly (did I just say that) and suspending all rights to lawyers, due process, and any other legal rights a citizen should have. Just then, a small boy picks up a coin and starts singing a song, outlawed, I'm sure, and the downtrodden crowd starts singing with him. A barrel is found so the boy can reach the noose and is killed outright, and the falling of the coin is a quite poignant sight. A rather humorous (if you like dark humor) note is when a guard runs to Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and says "My Lord, they've started.....singing...." Becket replies, dry as you like, "Well it's about time." Kind of sets the tone.
As the second movie set up, the former crew of the Black Pearl - save Captain Jack Sparrow who went down with the ship - are planning to go to the Wolds End to save their Captain. Tia Dorma is coming for her own reasons. It is a strange and almost "through the looking glass" trip to the other side made by his faithful companions, but as we check in with Jack, we find he's not doing so well himself. It seems there are about twenty of him and they may or may not be hallucinations and he is fighting with one of them over a half a peanut. The rest of them are left to crew the boat, although you're not really sure which one is the TRUE Captain Jack Sparrow. And one of them/him is a chicken. And I think it lay an egg. And...one of them/a hallucination is a goat, and I think he/a Jack hallucination is having amorous thoughts about it. I could be wrong but it seemed that way to me. Our dear Jack has truly lost whatever small marbles he had left. What's more, the Pearl is not on any water, it's on salt flats, as he finds as he takes a face-first header off the side of the boat. (If that was a special effect, bravo, because it really looked like he did it and it hurt.)
Finally, his friends find him, but are not quite sure how to get the Pearl to water, as their ship was crashed in the transition from our world to the next. Tia Dorma proves helpful here, as well, and from beneath her skirts come millions and millions of crabs - don't read into it, just appreciate the help. The crabs carry the ship to the water and get her afloat and Jack figures out the next step, although there is hostility with Barbosa about exactly WHO is the captain of the ship. Get over it already.
Once returned to the right side of the world, the Black Pearl and captain(s) head to the meeting of the Pirate Lords, help to be set up on the sly by Will Turner, and we finally get to meet the infamous father of Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Teague, who is the keeper of the Pirate Lore and Legends and the Rules for which all must abide. And he plays a guitar. Who saw that one coming? And he's more coherent than Sparrow - who saw THAT one coming?
Barbosa plays a dangerous game and says that the goddess Calypso is with them in corporeal form, locked away as she was by the old Pirate Lords years ago, and it is time to let her go. Sao Fang asks only to accompany Elizabeth to the meeting place on his boat and he will leave her alone. She agrees, angering Will, who believes she is keeping secrets from him. Once on Sao Feng's boat it becomes apparent that he thinks she is Calypso, and if he sets her free, he would be her humble servant in exchange for small favors. Suddenly they are attacked by the EITC and Sao Feng is pierced trough the heart by a beam. He gives her his piece to free her anyway, believing it to be the right thing to do, and makes her Captain of his ship.
Suddenly, Elizabeth has a place at the Pirate Lord voting table. But since all the Pirate Lords seem to fight and vote only for themselves, they are at somewhat of a stalemate. Elizabeth wants to fight the East India Trading Company, believing them immoral, and taking over too much of the waters, trade, tariffs, and more. She believes they can win. It is put to a vote - Captain Teague brings out an ancient book that says that all the Pirate Lords have to vote for a Pirate King, and only the Pirate King can decide upon a course of action.
Of course, all the Pirate Lords vote for themselves...except Jack. Jack has a plan where he thinks he will take over the Flying Dutchman as the captain and therefore never die. So Jack votes for Elizabeth, knowing the EITC will call out the Flying Dutchman first to render their foe helpless. Meanwhile, a tender scene takes place in the cells beneath the ships where Tia Dorma, the real Calypso, is visited by her Davy Jones.
"I waited after ten years for you to show up and you never did...why?" He asks painfully. "It's in my nature," she responds. "Would you have me any other way?" He walks around for a minute, angry, confused, hurt, and she says "But I would like to give you my heart, if you will let me." To which he becomes furious, and she reminds him - "You were given one job - to help the dead to the other side, and you have no done that, Davy Jones. And for dat, you will pay." And this is no empty threat she is making, you can tell.
Barbosa, greedy as ever has somehow collected or stolen all the pieces to make Calypso whole again, and right in the middle of the battle of the Pearl heading to the Dutchman, Calypso is freed. She becomes the attack of the 50- foot woman with a vengeance (with reason) and she creates a whirlpool, to which both ships are sucked in, saved only from sinking lower by their masts becoming entangled. They circle round and round and their crews fight vicious battles and Will's father is so far gone that he doesn't even recognize him, he's become part of the ship, even trying to attack him at one time. Elizabeth, having been taken prisoner on the Dutchman before and spoken to Bootstrap in his ship-dementia hears that he is sure that Will will come back for him, but that he can't stay and save him, because to save him, he would have to kill the Captain, thereby giving up any life with Elizabeth. It's a tragic moment and one pregnant with foreshadowing.
The fight rages on and on and finally Will and Elizabeth convince Barbosa as Captain of the ship to marry them, and in a rare moment of heart, Barbosa performs the deed, and we get the kiss we waited three movies for. But the battles are not done yet, and the situations are dire indeed. Both ships are in grave peril. Finally Will gets to The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones and is ready to save his father, and Jack is already there, good Jack on one shoulder telling him to do what's right and moral and just, and bad Jack is on the other shoulder telling him to run like hell and get out of there, but Jack stays, despite his voices, ready to enact his plan to thwart death. And Elizabeth is there to see the awful inevitability no matter what happens. And Will is struck down by a stray sword. And Jones laughs at him and makes a joke of his life and his love. And Bootstrap carrys the Chest and says like the true member of the crew that he has become, "the Ship must have a Captain." Repeating the statement menacingly and approaching with purpose, we suddenly turn to see Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth sticking a knife into Davy Jones heart. I suppose it doesn't matter he is dead - it is his hand that slays the heart of Davy Jones.
And the crew begins to approach, and their fishy appendages begin to fall off for the sins of the Captain have no longer become their own. They are men once more. And Will Turner knows his job - to escort dead souls from one side to the other. And once every ten years, he gets one day a year with his love. He offers his father his freedom - he has done all this to free his father, but his father says that he wants to serve with his son, so his son tells him to take the wheel. And the East India Trading Company has no idea that a vital change has been made.
The Pearl approaches Beckett's ship on one side and The Dutchman on the other, and the ship is essentially blown to bits, with Beckett repeating over and over "it was only good business..." And we see Beckett sink to the bottom wrapped in his precious EIO flag.
And the movie ends with Will and Elizabeth's one day on shore - their wedding day. The long awaited, much anticipated, and dearly deserved. And he asks her to hold his heart in the chest - it's always belonged to her, anyway, he claimed. She agrees, and...save for some humorous bits, c'est finis.
And a fine finish, if not sad and not deserved if you ask me. But a romp and a riot and never a dull moment and the extras - like the goofs make it well worth it.
So keep a weather eye on the horizon. The Soundtrack is well worth the investment as well.
An Eight - oooooooooh! on my one to ten scale.
Out of Space, Out of Time, We Are : Lost
So, I have this confession to make - for a while I didn't have tv. I mean I had a television set, I just didn't have cable service so I could watch the TV shows that everyone was talking about. Mr. No Couch Bouncing had an altercation - well, a loud disagreement - with the local cable company and since they were the only game in town (in that town at that time), I didn't see anything the same way other people did. Which is why I started watching "24" on DVD only. I couldn't even try to watch that on TV now. To stretch that out and not be able to sit down and just watch a few episodes at at time; I'd go batty.
Same thing with "Lost". Got hooked on that one on DVD, and even though we have cable now and I could watch it weekly, I don't; I'm waiting for Season 3 to be released on December 11, and in anticipation of the release I'm doing something really over the top. Mr. No Bounce and I are marathoning our way through Seasons One and Two back to back. It's pretty intense and you forget how intense a show it is in the first place. It's supposed to be intense in one-hour-blocks each weeks, but sitting down and watching it non-stop, well, except for Diet Coke refills and pee-breaks, it's kinda overwhelming. You end up sitting there saying "holy crap" to yourself a lot.
Now, don't get me wrong, you don't get so bowled over that you can't see the little winks and nods this second time around that you might have missed the first time (The pilot of the plane is "Heroes'" Matt Parkman, J.J. Abrams real life best friend). You're aware that it's gonna leave you hanging on that hook at the end of the last episode, and you're prepared for it...kinda. And it's fun to sit there and get lost in "Lost" for a couple of hours; I admit, it feels really good to escape reality that much!
And it's nice to re-acquaint yourself with the characters again, before you watch another year and see who is expendable this time around...
So I haven't seen anything new for a few days. I've been watching some familiar faces and the scheming and planning of some really great characters. And I remember now why I like this show - it's just really freaking good, man.
I can't wait for the 11th.
Same thing with "Lost". Got hooked on that one on DVD, and even though we have cable now and I could watch it weekly, I don't; I'm waiting for Season 3 to be released on December 11, and in anticipation of the release I'm doing something really over the top. Mr. No Bounce and I are marathoning our way through Seasons One and Two back to back. It's pretty intense and you forget how intense a show it is in the first place. It's supposed to be intense in one-hour-blocks each weeks, but sitting down and watching it non-stop, well, except for Diet Coke refills and pee-breaks, it's kinda overwhelming. You end up sitting there saying "holy crap" to yourself a lot.
Now, don't get me wrong, you don't get so bowled over that you can't see the little winks and nods this second time around that you might have missed the first time (The pilot of the plane is "Heroes'" Matt Parkman, J.J. Abrams real life best friend). You're aware that it's gonna leave you hanging on that hook at the end of the last episode, and you're prepared for it...kinda. And it's fun to sit there and get lost in "Lost" for a couple of hours; I admit, it feels really good to escape reality that much!
And it's nice to re-acquaint yourself with the characters again, before you watch another year and see who is expendable this time around...
So I haven't seen anything new for a few days. I've been watching some familiar faces and the scheming and planning of some really great characters. And I remember now why I like this show - it's just really freaking good, man.
I can't wait for the 11th.
We Are Very Amused : Star Trek BORG Fan Collective
This is a cool idea - the fans got to decide which episodes would make it onto a DVD collection specifically devoted to Star Trek BORG episodes. And it wasn't just Star Trek : The Next Generation, no, this is Enterprise, Voyager, AND TNG; spanning all the "collective" Star Trek memories.
It's 4 discs, so it's not overly done, and these really are the best of the episodes that I remember. I am sure there are others who would be happy to debate with me for hours but let me assure you - that ain't gonna happen. Number one, I just ain't that geeky. Number two, everyone has different faves but this is the compilation they came up with and it is - in my not so humble opinion - a damn fine group.
There are four episodes on the first two discs and three on the second two, and special features are generally audio commentary or text commentary. It is in fullscreen format - TV shows were shot that way until Enterprise, which is show in all it's Widescreen glory.
From simple drones to Locutus, to Hugh, to Lor, to Seven of Nine, to the Queen herself, this is a fantastic journey through the Borg collection. Heehee.
I'm trying not to give too much away because I think you'll enjoy sitting down and watching and rediscovering the episodes for yourself. But I highly recommend it and it was a three Diet Coke night. Oh yeah - all the way through baby.
Check it out at Amazon - The Star Trek BORG Fan Collective.
Make it so.
It's 4 discs, so it's not overly done, and these really are the best of the episodes that I remember. I am sure there are others who would be happy to debate with me for hours but let me assure you - that ain't gonna happen. Number one, I just ain't that geeky. Number two, everyone has different faves but this is the compilation they came up with and it is - in my not so humble opinion - a damn fine group.
There are four episodes on the first two discs and three on the second two, and special features are generally audio commentary or text commentary. It is in fullscreen format - TV shows were shot that way until Enterprise, which is show in all it's Widescreen glory.
From simple drones to Locutus, to Hugh, to Lor, to Seven of Nine, to the Queen herself, this is a fantastic journey through the Borg collection. Heehee.
I'm trying not to give too much away because I think you'll enjoy sitting down and watching and rediscovering the episodes for yourself. But I highly recommend it and it was a three Diet Coke night. Oh yeah - all the way through baby.
Check it out at Amazon - The Star Trek BORG Fan Collective.
Make it so.
Time for the Geek in Me : Numb3rs
Okay, so I admit, there is a geeky part to me - I'm not ashamed of it. Geeks are cool. If you don't believe me, just look at me.
See?
Anyway, this show was recommended to me by - don't laugh - the woman who did my nails. She said it was this smart murder/crime drama and they used math to solve the mystery each week. I'm thinking - ohmigod, could you get any more boring. But I think, I like this lady, I look for good recommendations, I record it. (I don't make appointment TV, I make appointments with my recordings.)
One of the first episodes I saw was where a man was murdering people and using the Fibonacci Sequence as part of the way he would pick his next victim and leave a biblical verse as to why the victim they had just found had been chosen. Okay, sounds too complicated, right?
Think "The DaVinci Code" where they kind of mapped out the thought process for you so you could see the workings of the mind as the problem was revealed. This is accompanied by an easy to understand explanation of an otherwise complicated computation narrated by the genius boy wonder brother of the head detective.
They get into Game Theory, car racing slip differentials, you name it, it's there, and it's really quite cool. I'm surprised by how much I like this one. David Krumholtz plays the boy genius, and I like that he doesn't feel compelled to live up to the expectations of the Hollywood body-type. A little spare tire can be a sexy thing sometimes. Rob Morrow plays his Detective brother and Judd Hirsch plays their mensch father.
It's a quirky cast and has some real endearing characters and developments between them that are as fun to watch as the mysteries themselves. If you've got time on a Friday, pop a Diet Coke and see what you think of these Numb3rs.
See?
Anyway, this show was recommended to me by - don't laugh - the woman who did my nails. She said it was this smart murder/crime drama and they used math to solve the mystery each week. I'm thinking - ohmigod, could you get any more boring. But I think, I like this lady, I look for good recommendations, I record it. (I don't make appointment TV, I make appointments with my recordings.)
One of the first episodes I saw was where a man was murdering people and using the Fibonacci Sequence as part of the way he would pick his next victim and leave a biblical verse as to why the victim they had just found had been chosen. Okay, sounds too complicated, right?
Think "The DaVinci Code" where they kind of mapped out the thought process for you so you could see the workings of the mind as the problem was revealed. This is accompanied by an easy to understand explanation of an otherwise complicated computation narrated by the genius boy wonder brother of the head detective.
They get into Game Theory, car racing slip differentials, you name it, it's there, and it's really quite cool. I'm surprised by how much I like this one. David Krumholtz plays the boy genius, and I like that he doesn't feel compelled to live up to the expectations of the Hollywood body-type. A little spare tire can be a sexy thing sometimes. Rob Morrow plays his Detective brother and Judd Hirsch plays their mensch father.
It's a quirky cast and has some real endearing characters and developments between them that are as fun to watch as the mysteries themselves. If you've got time on a Friday, pop a Diet Coke and see what you think of these Numb3rs.
It's UnAmerican if You Don't See It : Live Free Or Die Hard
Probably half the readers of this blog won't have been born when the first Die Hard movie came out. Sure, you can rent it, but at the time, it was the hottest thing ever - you have no idea of the world wide phenomenon John McClane and Yippie KaiYai MuthaFu.. was. It was something that redefined the action movie genre and the hero persona. We loved John.
We loved John when he saved the airport the second time around, screaming about "how could this happen to the same guy twice??" We laughed and we loved John.
We loved John as he had to run around New York with Samuel L Jackson, even though we could see he was starting to break down as a human being. We thought we understood, and hell - a lot of us were starting to break down, but in our own ways...it had been a few years since that first exhilarating ride.
Now John is in his 50s, and he's breaking down in the same cartilage-worn ways we are. He doesn't move as fast as he did, he doesn't have the wallop in the punch he once had...but John's got one thing....Experience.
Hackers set out to undo the world economy, headed up by our very own Timothy Olyphant (with hair, the sexy way I want him. And I DO want him.) and a nasty mystery woman partner who is ready to inflict some bad-guy damage on whomever gets in the way. John's mission - get the one remaining hacker who survived (they killed the rest to destroy the evidence) to the Justice Department so they can figure out what is being done and somehow save the day. Easy, right?
Is it ever easy for poor John? Mayhem, Mayhem, Mayhem, and he gets his ass kicked by a girl, Maggie Q. And she does a damn good job of it, too. Poor John starts to show just how broken down he really is. But there's one part of John that ain't broken, and that's his wits - and they have always done him well thus far. Maggie dies a righteous death at the bottom of an elevator shaft, this other wall-jumping Spiderman character ends up in an industrial shredder, and John drives a semi off a broken overpass into a flying object and slides down broken concrete to escape - unbelievedable you say? John McClane I say.
"I've done this before," he deadpans early on. We're with you, buddy.
Kevin Smith and his "command center" is just a fantastic cinematic cameo. I would've paid just for that scene; friggin hilarious. Silent Bob throws a hissy fit. Couldn't have been more perfect.
Eventually, John gets the job done and his daughter safe (oh, she gets taken hostage, but you saw that coming, right?) and the little hacker geek to the right good guys in the white hats and his daughter calls herself McClane, not Gennaro (if you didn't see the other ones, I am NOT explaining it.) and we cue the happy music. And a bruised and battered John McClane ends another day of saving the good old USA.
Thanks for the John McClane's of the world, and there are those of them out there. We dunno who you are,and likely don't wanna, but - thanks.
We loved John when he saved the airport the second time around, screaming about "how could this happen to the same guy twice??" We laughed and we loved John.
We loved John as he had to run around New York with Samuel L Jackson, even though we could see he was starting to break down as a human being. We thought we understood, and hell - a lot of us were starting to break down, but in our own ways...it had been a few years since that first exhilarating ride.
Now John is in his 50s, and he's breaking down in the same cartilage-worn ways we are. He doesn't move as fast as he did, he doesn't have the wallop in the punch he once had...but John's got one thing....Experience.
Hackers set out to undo the world economy, headed up by our very own Timothy Olyphant (with hair, the sexy way I want him. And I DO want him.) and a nasty mystery woman partner who is ready to inflict some bad-guy damage on whomever gets in the way. John's mission - get the one remaining hacker who survived (they killed the rest to destroy the evidence) to the Justice Department so they can figure out what is being done and somehow save the day. Easy, right?
Is it ever easy for poor John? Mayhem, Mayhem, Mayhem, and he gets his ass kicked by a girl, Maggie Q. And she does a damn good job of it, too. Poor John starts to show just how broken down he really is. But there's one part of John that ain't broken, and that's his wits - and they have always done him well thus far. Maggie dies a righteous death at the bottom of an elevator shaft, this other wall-jumping Spiderman character ends up in an industrial shredder, and John drives a semi off a broken overpass into a flying object and slides down broken concrete to escape - unbelievedable you say? John McClane I say.
"I've done this before," he deadpans early on. We're with you, buddy.
Kevin Smith and his "command center" is just a fantastic cinematic cameo. I would've paid just for that scene; friggin hilarious. Silent Bob throws a hissy fit. Couldn't have been more perfect.
Eventually, John gets the job done and his daughter safe (oh, she gets taken hostage, but you saw that coming, right?) and the little hacker geek to the right good guys in the white hats and his daughter calls herself McClane, not Gennaro (if you didn't see the other ones, I am NOT explaining it.) and we cue the happy music. And a bruised and battered John McClane ends another day of saving the good old USA.
Thanks for the John McClane's of the world, and there are those of them out there. We dunno who you are,and likely don't wanna, but - thanks.