Movies, Music, Books: from Curves with Nerves

New Posts on the Edge

2011-09-24T21:52:42Z

Sorry to have been away for so long. I've been laid up with surgery and drugged up beyond belief. The keyboard was kind of fuzzy.

No fear, I shall re-appear with all NEW reviews of the LATEST and GREATEST and eh, not so great stuff out there. It's MOMENTS away...

Keep your eyes glued to this space!

Alexia

The role of the Jesuits and their very existence in the 17th Century in Europe and abroad - The Mission

2010-06-03T19:25:00Z

Years ago, my mom made me watch a VHS movie that I was actually loathe to see, and that you're probably surprised to see me review now, after such a long absence. (I apologize for the absence and will explain later, but this review is more important, if not years overdue.) It was The Mission , from 1986. As usual - my reviews are full of spoilers so - read on at your own peril. Cause this is just a total blow-by-blow...

After 125 minutes, openly weeping with throat-catching sobs, until the moment of the credit close when Ray McAnally who played His Eminence Altimirano simply stared at the camera for a full two minutes in silence with a baleful eye that seemed almost judgemental, as if to say - have you so changed the world today for the better? And again, I was crushed to tears beyond all bearing. This movie obviously moves me beyond the meaning of mere words. It disturbs me and wracks me somewhere deep inside, yet in a beautiful way, because it also shows the human capacity for love and perserverance and the drive to keep pushing to better ourselves and our surroundings.

I was on iTunes (don't take it as a plug, I owe them too much money, and I already have a 110" screen theater room upon which to watch movies), but I wanted something to watch before bed, and something intimate in order to help me fall asleep better. Nothing could've been further from the truth. I had forgotten the impact this movie had upon me. I downloaded the movie, uploaded it to my iTouch, and was immediately crying within about 15 minutes. Sometimes, a simple act of faith and martyrdom can do that to me, even though I am not a particularly religious person.

For those unfamiliar with the story, it's the tale of the Jesuits in South America in between two parcels of land held between Portugal and Spain. The Spanish Jesuits, who are under the protection of the Pope and the Church, both powerful positions back then, are trying to set up missions to civilize and bring to God the indigenous Guarani Indians. The Indians above the treacherous falls are especially suspicious of the priests who come to try to tell them of this "god" character, and there is a beautiful yet horrifying martyr sequence when they send one of the priests who has made the journey up the falls back down the falls - on a makeshift cross like he has told them about, and you see the poor man mumble his prayers as he can hear the roar of the falls come closer and closer and flies over in a moment of horrifying sacrifice for his beliefs.

The story mainly focuses upon two men, one - Fr. Gabriel, played to absolute sublime perfection by Jeremy Irons, and truthfully, this was the first time I had ever seen him, so I found it difficult to see him in villainous roles after this. The other main character is Robert DeNiro who is like what - the Laurence Olivier of our generation? He plays Rodrigo Mendoza, who at one time is a slave hunter, rounding up the indigenous Indians to sell to the Portuguese. That he does so on Spanish territory at times causes him little bother on his conscience, even after Fr. Gabriel tells him they're building a mission. Rodrigo merely shrugs. Business is booming.

After the many failures of his priests under his care falling to death and or being killed outright, Fr. Gabriel takes it upon himself to climb the treacherous rocks up the falls and make one last attempt to make contact with the elusive Guarani. Knowing he surely will either die from the climb itself or from the encounter with the Indians, Brother Fielding (Liam Neeson ) argues with him that it was his territory and he should be the one to go. Fr. Gabriel insists, and begins his climb, barefoot upon wet rock and with sheeting water the most dangerous climb to the top of the falls in what we now know as modern Brazil. In a particulary moving moment for me personally, Fielding asks if anyone can see him (Gabriel) on the falls climbing, and the esteemed Fr. Daniel Berrigan makes a cameo, his face serene yet showing the lines of his hard life, and he shakes his head; "No," he answers solemly. For some reason this makes me cry, knowing the hardship and the lengths this man went to for peace in his own life. (Side note: Fr. Berrigan served as a consultant for the Jesuits on this film. No better authority, in my opinion. The link opens a Wikipedia page to his life - you may find some interest there. He was quite the activist during the Vietnam War, despite being an ordained Jesuit.)

Gabriel, finally reaching the ascent, walks deep into the jungle, knowing - sensing he is being watched, and finds a rock in a small river to sit upon. The other Indians below the falls in the established Missions he has encountered have all been strangely and beautifully drawn to music. They make instruments that are played in the finest courts in all of Europe; they sing like angels gifted with voice - somehow this enclave in South America has an innate talent that seems to bring purity and clarity and ease of talent to God. So, sitting upon his rock in the river, Fr. Gabriel pulls out an oboe and begins to play. He is clearly frightened; he stops and starts a few times; the jungle thick and heavy around him, but he continues on until the tribe emerges; surrounds him, listening, enraptured.

An elder of the tribe, angered by this outsider's interloping, finally walks up and breaks the oboe over his knee and throws the halves in the water and stomps off chattering. Another younger leader brings the pieces back to Gabriel and tries to get him to put them back together. Fr. Gabriel shows he cannot, and the younger leader announces to the surrounding crowd something - we don't know what, but we assume it's that Father Gabriel has made a good enough impression to be brought back to the camp so he can fix his oboe, and maybe stay a while. Which he does, and begins with a few converts - not all, but his delightful, non-aggressive gentle nature wins over the village and he quickly finds a home and is allowed to build a church and a life with the tribe.

But Mendoza makes an appearance, snagging some of the younger boys out hunting. The Indians, perhaps hoping Fr. Gabriel can intercede on their behalf, bring him to the spot where the Spaniard has the struggling young men trussed up in a net with help from a neighboring warring tribe. Fr. Gabriel, fearless, cries out "So you're hunting above the falls now, Captain Mendoza. We're building a Mission here. These people are to be protected." Supposedly, when a Mission is built, the people are to be protected by the power of the Church and Papacy. Mendoza is not impressed. "So say you for now."

Mendoza returns home to the small dusty town where he sells his wares to the local Portugese Representative and plantation owner, and he informs him of Father Gabriel's plans. This man, Don Cabeza, is angered at the power of the Jesuits, but hints that there may be a change in the wind.

Meanwhile, Mendoza returns home to his fiancee, Carlotta, and his beloved younger brother, Felipe Mendoza (Adian Quinn). What he does not realize is that while he has been away, his brother and his woman have become lovers. For a moment he seems as though, despite his pride, he can accept this change of things, but as the evening goes on he begins to believe people laugh at him behind his back, think him a cuckold, a fool - and he becomes enraged. He calls out his brother, and his brother begs him not to do it, but hastily pulls a sword from a stranger's scabbard in an attempt to save himself - but it is too late. Carlotta runs through the street, barely dressed, obviously running from the bed she and Felipe had just shared; the back of her dress still unlaced and hair in disarray - a woman of station would normally never allow herself to be seen so, but such is her grief. She screams, throwing herself on Felipe and the elder Mendoza realizes he has just killed his own brother whom he loved dearly. You can see the harsh realization set in.

Cut to a while later and Fr. Gabriel has been called to a local monastery in the township where Rodrigo Mendoza has taken up sanctuary. A Brother informs Fr. Gabriel that he won't eat, he won't take care of himself; he has given up; it seems he wants to die. The supposition is that Fr. Gabriel, kind and caring man that he is, will spout some words of wisdom that will heal all, and life will go on. Not so. He enters Rodrigo's filthy cell and pretty much tells it like it is, baldly and with no cushioning of the facts. "So, you've killed your brother. It was a duel, so the law can't touch you. But now you can't live with the pain of what you've done and you want to die." A back and forth of those who have been enemies but Fr. Gabriel - always respectful of his vows (no one is beyond salvation) ensues and ends with Rodrigo's almost angry statement "For me there is no absolution." And Fr. Gabriel, always with patience and with love yet forceful and with his faith urging him on powerfully, taunts "But do you dare try it?"

And for me comes the most poignant part of the movie, or one of the most poignant - I cry so many times it's hard to pick one moment that stands taller than another. Fr. Gabriel, Brother Fielding, Brother Rolf are all traveling to the village above the falls. As mentioned before, the trip is - to say the least - arduous. Accompanying them is Rodrigo. Rodrigo has a rope tied around one shoulder attached to a netted bag carrying all his previous weapons of war: metal breastplate, metal greaves, metal leg protectors, shield, swords - in short, a hell of a lot of metal. This is no light burden he pulls behind him. And he pulls it up the trail to the enclave above the falls. And it is a mean task - the falls, he falls, the rain makes his task even harder - he reaches the summit of one hill only to slide back down to the bottom in the mud. And he does not complain, he does not speak, he never gives a sigh of "shit, gotta do that all over again"; he just sighs the sigh of a man determined to accomplish a nearly impossible task.

At one point, Brother Fielding says to Fr. Gabriel, "The others and I have spoken and, well, we think it's enough." And Fr. Gabriel watches Rodrigo struggle with the rain and the mud and the metal a little ways away, and says contemplatively, "But does he think it's enough? Until he does..." And he shrugs. And you can see a kind of pity, or angry mercy come over the others, and at one point, Brother Fielding almost furiously uses his sword to cut away the rope of Rodrigo's baggage/penance. The heavy parcel slides down a hill and Rodrigo, without a sound, without missing a beat, simply turns and goes back down the hill and ties a knot in the heavy rope and begins the climb again. Thus we see the depth of his pain and commitment to this penance - this is no empty act for him; it has meaning and hangs heavy on his soul and he somehow feels he is bearing his sins up the hill to the very people he has enslaved, not knowing of the greeting he will receive there. He is unshaven, his clothes are filthy and torn, and yet he toils, through mud and rain and heavy forest, and up the treacherous falls and will accept no assistance. Has heavier penance ever been carried?

Once the party reaches the tribe, there is a general rejoicing of friends meeting again, Fielding, Rolf, Fr. Gabriel are all welcomed as beloved friends and perhaps extended members. Then the extra member of the party is noticed. A quick question is asked in Guarani to Fr. Gabriel. He answers something - we don't know what, but people approach and Rodrigo sits silently, his burden still tied to him, and waits whatever fate delivers him. The younger leader of the tribe cuts away his burden and sends it down the river, dismissing it, and Rodrigo begins to cry. It's the symbolic release of all his weapons of slavery and death and war, and the very people he has wronged so greatly have relased him of this huge weight. He cries giant rolling tears. The Guarani seem to find this humorous, and through his sadness at having his penance cut away, he cries and laughs at their forgiveness and acceptance. These, it seems, have become a loving people at the hand of Fr. Gabriel. They pull at his beard (they have no body hair other than on their heads) and tug at his face and he allows their touch as though each hand heals him in some way. Rodrigo's soul is on it's way to becoming whole once more.

After a while of living with the tribe and helping to build a church and being adopted by a young boy with no front teeth who follows him everywhere and thinks him special, Rodrigo seems to have found a measure of peace and stillness, and approaches Fr. Gabriel and says he would like a way to thank him and the Guarani. Fr. Gabriel hands him a small book and says, "If you'd like to thank them, why not read this." Such follows a montage of life in the village, children playing in the lush river, mothers washing their babies, Rolf teaching classes, Fielding putting in foundations for a building, all while Rodrigo reads passages from the small book - don't quote me, but I seem to recall them as Bible verses but I am a bad lapsed Catholic, but they are among the more beautiful verses. Surprisingly, this leads to Rodrigo asking to become a Jesuit. Even more surprisingly, after a bit of stern questioning, Fr. Gabriel and the Church agree. And we witness Brother Rodrigo take his vows and be welcomed with hugs and kisses by Rolf, Fielding and Gabriel. An important note - Rodrigo has had to promise to follow Gabriel's orders in all things, and Rodrigo has willingly and wholeheartedly done so.

Cut to the township, where the Papal Emissary, the aforementioned Altimirano makes his entrance into the picture - so to speak. What is at stake is the sale of the provinces from Spain, protecting the Missions and the Jesuits with the Church, to Portugal who does not recognize the authority of the Church nor the Jesuits and fully supports slavery, and whether or not the protected areas of the Church - read: Jesuits - will remain so protected. Altimirano has come to view the Missions and the workings done and to see what shall be the ultimate decision of the Church with regard to the protected areas. It is a delicate time, and everyone is aware of the stakes.

Fr. Gabriel, Rodrigo, Fielding, Rolf, and the child who follows Rodrgo around have all come down for the hearings, as well as the local Jesuits who run the other Missions in nearby areas. There is a typical European-style court hearing where Rodrigo gets in trouble for standing up and calling the local Portuguese Representative a liar - which was true, but not a wise move. It gets the Jesuits into hot water, and Gabriel is furious with Rodrigo, reminding him that he had promised to obey him. Rodrigo protests that he was telling the truth, the man was a liar, and Gabriel says it very well may be true but Rodrigo took a vow of obedience and he is either to apologize or he is no longer a Jesuit. Rodrigo, never one to just let things go, apologizes to Don Cabesa, who grudgingly accepts. He then apologizes to all those assembled. He then goes on to apologize to the small child for insulting him (in a "I'm just gonna give it to everyone cause you're just not that special, Don Cabesa" kind of way) and the child chatters back at him in Guarani, and Altimirano calls on him that it's quite enough. Beautiful - cracked me up. He obeyed. To. The. Letter.

There is a private political discussion between Altimirano and the Spanish representative, pretty much telling him that the Spaniards have entered into a treaty with the Portuguese, and all lands will be ceded to the Portuguese. Altimirano's task is all that more difficult, then: he must decide if the Missions are to remain or to "prune such a... beautiful and vibrant limb" "in order that the whole may be saved". The Jesuit Order in Europe is already under a very sharp eye, with many thinking it has too much power entirely, and should be disbanded. It is the time of the Jesuit Reductions . Altimirano is acutely aware of the thin line he walks. Fr. Gabriel walks up a street lit by the candles of hundreds of waiting prayers, parishioners, missionaries and Guarani, who all stand silently, holding their candlelight as he makes his way up the dusty street to the beautiful cathedral at the end where Altimirano is at prayer, wrestling with his decision. Gabriel pleads with him to - before he makes his decision - come see his mission, come see the one above the falls. Altimirano agrees, although one suspects he has already made his decision.

We next see Altimirano and the Jesuits of the tribe and tribe members in makeshift canoes being paddled up a river, make-shift leaf canopies over their heads to protect them from the sun. Altimirano, as part of the Papal hierarchy, likely has never been out of his element in marble halls or in the wildness of God's great beauty that is the Guarani region. His eyes are wide and glad, and I think he is - at least for a moment - enjoying himself and the journey. Although, I do think for a moment, if they can get there by river, why the hell do they do that dangerous climb up the falls? Passing note. But as they get closer, the villagers line the banks of the river with giant leaves to herald them, and line a bridge to welcome them, and catch the canoes from the swift-moving waters. Altimirano is brought into the village, his hand held by the king of the tribe, an honor I suspect he does not realize, but the man is proud and you cannot mistake his bearing; his face still painted in traditional Guarani tradition. Altimirano's face is full of wonder and awe, and I don't believe he's ever seen such beauty in any Cathedral ever constructed in Europe. He turns a corner, and there is the entire tribe, standing in front of the church that has been built, and the villagers break into song: a hymn that may not have the words just right, but is pitch perfect and matches any choir in the world, and you see the burning pain and perhaps a tear in his eyes as he realizes what he has to do here; what his position is forcing him to destroy.

The next scene is of Altimirano seated at one end of a table, Gabriel in the center, and the king and his representatives at the other. Altimirano is passing down the news that the mission must be abandoned. Fr. Gabriel looks at him with - what, disbelief? Altimirano tells him sternly to translate. Fr. Gabriel does and there is a rumbling of dissent and unhappiness in the assembly on the other side of the room. Fr. Gabriel says to Altimirano, "They want to know why they must leave the Mission. Why must they leave their home." Altimirano says because The Pope and God, King Almighty, demands it must be so. Fr. Gabriel again looks at Altimirano in disbelief. "Tell them!" Altimirano demands. Fr. Gabriel does in abashed tones,, and you can tell his heart is anguished with each word he says in Guarani. The leader of the tribe makes a long statement in his native tongue, clearly unhappy and dissenting, and exits the hut. Altimirano asks Gabriel what was said, and Gabriel says simply, "He also is a king, and he will not leave his home."

Altimirano makes it very clear that the Portuguese will begin dismatling the Missions and the Jesuits must not be seen in any way to be working against this decision of Papal decree. The entire Jesuit order is on the precipice, and any disobedience here could have disastrous results back in Europe. Fr. Gabriel believes in love, and God's love, and will not fight, but neither will he leave his people nor his mission. Altimirano leaves, and we begin to see the Portuguese soldiers advance on the missions below the falls, taking the residents there as captives and slaves. It is a bloody, brutal confrontation with no mercy, and my tears begin to roll. The churches are set ablaze, babies are set apart from their families in the street in the pouring rain, naked and crying, left to who knows what fate.

Meanwhile, above the falls, a very different type of confrontation is taking place. The young boy who follows Rodrigo around goes diving at the bottom of the falls and finds one of Rodrigo's swords from the rope-knotted bag. Alone in the forest, he cleans and sharpens the sword, and when it it is ready, he presents it to Rodrigo. Rodrigo's initial reaction is shock - he has sworn never to hold an instrument of death again. He shakes his head violently. The boy persists. Rodrigo realizes the boy is asking him to save his life. Slowly he reaches for the pommel of the sword. We see him in the forest, practicing his forms; he has lost none of his skill. He makes a momentous decision, and approaches Gabriel. "Father, I am here to renounce my vows of obedience..." Gabriel looks at him and quietly says "Get out." Rodrigo stands silently. "Is it just you?" Gabriel asks? "No, it's Rolf, and Fielding, and a few others..." Rodrigo then asks for absolution. Gabriel refuses. "If you're right, then God will forgive you, and if you're wrong, then my words won't help."

Thus begin the fortifications of the village. Lots of back and forth and reinforcing of walls and bridges and hidden explosives and a midnight trip down the falls where a stealthy tribal party comes upon a Portuguese soldiers nest sleeping before attempting the falls the next morning. They steal powder and guns and at one point, a guard awakens and almost sounds an alarm - and Rodrigo takes his first life since leaving that murderous life behind. You can see the consternation cross his face, but the determination that he does this for one reason only - to protect those he loves who have no other way to protect themselves with inferior weapons and inferior warlike techniques - two things Rodrigo knows intimately. It is a bitter pill he swallows, but there is no hesitation. They are not discovered, and they slip back above the falls and continue to fortify the village. In the morning, the killed guard is discovered and the missing munitions noticed as well. The soldiers move on, moving cannon and large guns up the falls with pulleys and counterweights. The fight is inevitable.

Fielding and several other tribesmen hide themselves in canoes up the river, knowing the enemy will try to flank them from all sides. Rodrigo directs all fighting on the ground in the village, including one final failsafe - a gun pointed at a powder-keg aimed to blow up a bridge to the village with a long rope attached so he can pull from a safe distance. As he said he would not, Fr. Gabriel will have nothing to do with the fighting, and instead holds Mass. He holds it outside, perhaps to show the soldiers that this is a holy place, that what they do is sacrilege.

From a nearby beach where the soldiers have set up their first salvo, along-side a group of neighboring warring Indians helping them against the Guarani, there are rumblings among the ranks as the men hear the strains of the hymns of mass being sung. "None of us wants to do this," one complains to his commander. You can tell the commander is none too comfortable either, but orders are orders. The assisting tribe lie on their backs with long bows held taught with their feet. The commander walks thorugh their line and lights each arrow and orders them to fire. The arrows begin to rain down in the village, and the hymns falter for a moment as fear sets in. A squad of soldiers dispatched to swing around thorugh the jungle is overtaken by a guerilla force overseen by Rodrigo. A series of canoes floats by the hidden Fielding and his forces and he begins to paddle after them madly shoting a musket at them, managing to take out a few, but the only other weapons at hand are the bows and arrows wielded by the Guarani. The soldier's boats try to turn and return fire and a kind of fierce madness occurs. Somehow the arrows take out some soldiers, many Guarani fall, and finally, only Fielding's boat is left. "Capture that priest!" goes the call. It will go badly if a priest is caught fighting.

Fielding has no more ammunition, so he and his two Guarani paddlers begin a mad race down the river; Fielding trying to knock away a soldier's boat with his paddle at one point. He furiously paddles away, as do his two tribesmen, and he is followed, but he knows what the soldiers do not: this river ends in the falls. Fielding is shot in the back during this crazy pursuit and slumps over in his canoe. His tribesmen can abandon him and save themselves but they paddle all the harder, and they shoot themselves over the falls in a heartbreakingly magnificent sacrifice. It is too late for the soldiers by the time the realize just what they have been pulled into. They, too, meet the wild waters racing over the jagged rocks, and they do not capture the precious prey of the fighting priest.

Back at the village, the fighting is just as desperate - the soldiers have entered the village, half the buildings are on fire, and fear is palpable. But the people have faith in their Fr. Gabriel. He takes hold of the Holy Cross with the sacred Eucharist within the center and urges the congregation to begin walking down the middle of the street. People are shot down randomly left and right, but Fr. Gabriel is unwavering in his faith and his determination that he will not be stopped by violence. Rodrigo has stopped the young boy who adores him several times from entering the fight, sending him away, and is now running back and forth, setting off his traps and shooting his hidden guns when he can, but it is clear he will not win the day. Finally, he is shot in the back, but he gets up, determined to blow the bridge so the soldiers cannot get to Fr. Gabriel and the majority of villagers. He gets distracted for a moment, and by the time he turns back, and pulls the string to pull the trigger to the gun aimed at the powder-keg, he sees the Commander of the Portugese soldiers, holding the other end, shaking his head at him. Foiled. Rodrigo is mortally shot, but refuses to lie down in death, instead staring intently at Fr. Gabriel, who walks on, fear evident in his face, yet still holding the cross erect until he is shot in the throat and falls. Only then will Rodrigo lie down, only then is his war over. One of the older villagers picks up the cross and walks on with it, but it is complete chaos at this time...the ugly end has come.

And then we see and hear Altimirano back in the township as he writes to the Pope of what has happened there in the jungles of South America. And you can tell Altimirano feels a very personal responsibility for what has occured. The Spanish representative stops by, comes in and offers some platitudes of "thus is the world..." Altimirano very sharply corrects, "No. Thus have we made it."

And we return to the jungle of the Guarani for one last time, to see several children, spared in the fighting, probably hiding in the forest. A girl, just on the edge or puberty walks naked through the water to a waiting canoe of other children, and what she plucks from the water is not a cooking utensil or a weapon or a doll....but a violin. She gets into the canoe, and it is steered away by the new leader of this much smaller smaller tribe. You can tell he has self-assumed this mantle. He will care for this group; he has learned how to look after people. It is the small boy with missing front teeth who had followed Rodrigo around. And he paddles silently away into the waters of the jungle river.

This movie is likely one of the most strikingly shot movies I've ever seen. It is shot in Brazil, on location where these incidents took place years ago with the Iguazu Falls, still tracherous as ever, and the forests, still lush and green as ever. The pallet of the movie is in greens and blues and greys, and although one would tend tho think those colors quite muted, int his situation, they are so alive and vibrant. The scene of Rodrigo practicing his forms alone in the woods after such a long absence is poignant in ints own right, with muted blues and vibrant greens and just the flicker of a silver sword. There is hardly another place on earth which could capture a time that was so real and so honest so long ago without losing some of the vitality of what it was back then, but Director Roland Joffé captured something that seems almost lost in this world of hustle and bustle. You believe the rain, the red mud, the difficult climbs, the hand-built sets - it all seems to step from the 17th century with a sense of reality that can't be just fabricated.

If I could reccomend a movie that has action, romance, war, political intrigue, and everything else that makes a movie great - this would definitely be it. The only thing that might hold you back is that it IS a period piece, but I beg you, beg you - not to let this stop you from an experience I think that is so truly worhtwhile that it breaks me whenever I set my backbone too straight to bend. I need to be reminded there are causes in this world worth fighting for - and they may not be my own. And that is no reason not so sit back and not get involved.

On the contrary - I should call on my inner Rodrigo, for I have him, fierce, angry, hurt, alone, unloved, unknowing of my penance - I should call on my inner Rodrigo and unleash him on the cause that is just - even if it is not my own. Even if I get hurt. Even if I lose more than I gain. If someone is helped by just the tiniest of my actions, maybe then my soul too will find a place to begin to heal.

Check out the trailer - a tad dated but the movie is definitely not: http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi502333721/

It ain't Shakespeare, It's National Treasure 2

2008-05-23T20:31:00Z

Just released - its a Jerry Bruckheimer film with...Nicholas Cage in it! How extraordinary.

Alright, all you students of history; here's your chance to look sexy for 2.2 seconds. This time it isn't the Declaration of Independence, it's the Lincoln assassination. And the Gates family have to clear their ancestor's name because - gasp - his name is found along with a list of other known conspirators on a missing - now mysteriously found - page of John Wilkes Boothe's diary. Still with me?

Put on your suspension of disbelief hats. No, the big ones. This movie, while entertaining as a romp, has so many holes in it you could call is swiss cheese and not be far off. I won't do a plot synopsis for this one because frankly, my fingers would fall off, there are so many twists and turns. Suffice it to say, after traveling to a couple of different countries clue hunting, the Gates decide The President has a Secret Book, Benjamin needs to see it, convinces the President of it (for which every other President has even denied it's very existence), follows the clues in the book to Mount Rushmore where he finds the lost City of Gold that all those Spanish raiding parties were searching for in the early days of the continent's establishment in Europe's eyes. No, not Florida. The Black Hills!!! So easy to get those two confused.

Seriously, I did have fun with this movie and it held my attention and they brought back all the same characters from the previous movie (except Sean Bean, unfortunately) and added a few new fun ones like Helen Mirren as the former Matron Gates, imposing and scholarly in her own right, and repeatedly mentioning tequila.

The buzz on IMDB is that 'what's on Page 47' is a setup for National Treasure 3, and my advice is - START GETTING BETTER HAIR PIECES FOR NICK CAGE. I've noticed it in the last few movies I've seen and it's just getting worse; what's next, a frakking afro? Take a page from Travolta's book - there's a way to do it gracefully, and so far, it just is not happening.

Look, this movie won't raise your IQ any, but it is a nice Saturday night, "Wow, that was fun!" movie. Date night, ice-cream in your jammies night, instead of homework night, but I'd choose something slick like Memento or The Prestige for smarts. This is Indiana Jones Lite; all whip but no Indy.

16 Blocks and more words from Mos Def than you'll ever hear EVER

2008-05-23T19:22:00Z

This was an unexpected surprise. Aside from never hearing a thing about it (direct to DVD? A shame.), this should've been a box office thriller - more so than some of the other crap I've seen recently. Bruce Willis teams up with Mos Def in a twist on the buddy-in-a-bind genre.

Firstly, they're not buddies - Willis is a washed-up cop with short time, a torn up knee and a bottle in his desk. Mos Def is a witness Willis is charged to get to the federal courthouse to testify in a "very important case", can you hear the capital letters. The problem - of course, someone doesn't want Def to get to his date with the DA. Compounded by the fact that Willis can barely stand up without a couple of jiggers of Crown Royale more in him. Multiply this by the fact that the people who don't want Def to get to the courthouse are cops. Specifically, buddies of Willis'. Turns out Def has information that these cops are corrupt and took money and did some bad things.

But for some reason, Willis decides today is gonna be the day that he plays hero and gets this witness just 16 blocks to the courthouse. With no car. And not really any ammo. And all the ways blocked off. And every cop in the city persuaded that Willis is the one gone rogue on one of "their own", so tensions are high to find him, "no mattah what," in the NYC vernacular.

After a couple of really innovative scenes on how to get them mere blocks closer within the specified time frame - oh, yes; there is a 10:00 am deadline for the courtroom, Willis makes a move I didn't see coming. He turns to Def and tells him to get out of there and he, Willis, will go to the courtroom. The presumption is that he will draw the fire and allow Mos Def to live and get away, but the case would fall apart. And then he confesses that, no; he was one of those bad cops that Def was gonna testify about, and he could give the same evidence, so the case could still go on. (Screen silence.) (Didn't see that apple cart.)

Def races off and Willis continues on to the courthouse, and a really intense scene plays out between former partners and friends and now enemies in a who-will-live who-will-die standoff. The ending of this standoff is so righteous you just wanna scream "YEAH!" but Mr. No Couch Bouncing doesn't like the yelling, but who really cares, it was that solid.

I didn't think Mos Def had it in him to be as verbose as this role had him play it; he literally had to cover almost every second of silence and action with a non-stop running verbal faucet, and although Def is a mightily accomplished poet and rapper, this had to be really challenging. Completely changed the way I viewed his acting chops. Willis has got to get out of the " cop with a..." milieu, but, doggone it, it does seem to work for him. Gotta be the smirk.

Anyway, maybe you never heard of it, but I can't stop raving about this one. Who would've thought just 16 blocks could take 2 hours, but hey, it is NYC. Kidding. Grab this one - with both hands. Triple Diet Coke (and popcorn, if you're allowed).

The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

2008-02-10T18:38:00Z

Wow. What a performance from Pitt. At one point, the voice over, done to perfection by Hugh Ross who obviously went to the school of "less is more", at one point, he mentions Jesse is afflicted with an ailment which makes him blink his eyes all the time. That's when you notice: Pitt hasn't blinked once since the movie started. It's as though he's taking stock of every thing around him, each last detail - drinking it up. Now you know why, of course; he's made noises about not making movies any more. "There's a time to bow out gracefully, and maybe they'll ask me back every once in a while (sic)."

There's a caged restlessness to him that you're not sure is him or his character. If it's Jesse, then you can tell that living a life like his has begun, as it only can, to take it's toll. He sees law-men everywhere, he moves often and uproots the small family he started. He and his brother quarrel and his brother takes off for the northern states to - of all things - sell shoes. But when we see how Jesse is treated when he is finally killed, we realize Frank had a real reason to go, and we can't blame him.

And Jesse knows, he knows his time is coming; he knows his friends are starting to plot against him. He uncovers plot after plot after plot. And finally, he becomes tired, knowing that he will never have any real life. He will never have any real friends. Nothing in his life will ever be real but the love he has for his wife and children and he doesn't want them hurt in any confrontation by some unscrupulous name-seeker.

So he at least sets himself up with a someone he knows. And takes off his guns, claiming not to want to scare the neighbors. And then "notices" a picture which "shore is dusty", thereby turning his back and giving Robert Ford the perfect shot. Even so, Ford hesitates for a moment, for this was his hero. But then, he, a name-seeker too, pulls the trigger on the new nickel-plated gun Jesse just gave him the day before.

The humiliations visited on James in death were a little sickening. Whatever else, he was a father, and it would follow to his children someday. I found it a little hard to take. (I CAN HAVE A CHICK MOMENT WHEN APPROPRIATE!) Then Ford takes to the stage with a nightly retelling of how he killed the infamous Jesse James. He seems surprised when people are not as admiring of his courage as he feels they should be. Well, the man did shoot an unarmed man in the back, even if said unarmed man set himself up.

Public opinion began to turn on Ford, and Jesse James began to be touted in legend as a Robin Hood of the West. Ford found a woman who he could talk to and really confide the truth of the matters to, opened a bar in the middle of nowhere, and tried to remain as anonymous as he could. But there was no remaining anonymous when you're the man who killed Jesse James.

And he himself was murdered, shot down in his own bar. But all the hype surrounding Jesse's death didn't come for Robert Ford's death. And maybe that was a blessing and maybe it was a curse, but it was the sad, lonely truth of life in the Wild West.

A couple of things - Casey Affleck - got the looks and the talent in the family, sorry Ben. In this piece, he is absolutely superb, and he is no scene stealer - he leaves room for others in the screen. Brad Pitt more than he ever was in 12 Monkeys is so broken in this movie you want to just reach out and push everyone away and protect him. Again, like in 12 Monkeys, he plays a head case, but it's a different sort - it's the sort that comes from being pursued and knowing your best friend would put a bullet in you for a reward and still going out to see if that friend has made that switch from friend to enemy yet. It's the kind of performance you will rarely see, and if you don't see it, you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.

Idiot.

No Hasta La Vista but She Swallowed a Bug

2008-01-17T20:55:00Z

Ohay, so I'm generally not that fast about getting a review out, but I really really like these Sarah Connor Chronicles. The woman playing Sarah Connor is the same woman who played the wife in 300 - "Come back with your shield....or on it." She had raw sex appeal while trying to play having no sex appeal.

The other part of the threesome is Summer Glau from Firefly. Okay, hair washed and makeup, she is the babe I always knew she could be. Unfortunately she plays another odd character, a Terminator, but this time she plays a different kind of Terminator, one that's been hinted at but not revealed yet.

Unsure about the John character - he's kind of a non-entity for me so far. (All two episodes.) If he's to grow up and lead the resistance, I worry about the resistance. Maybe that's why this Terminator brought them forward in a time-bubble to 2007 (yep, nekkid) to try to stop Skynet. It seems the death of Miles years ago was not enough to sever the time line, and the Judgment Day is still a realistic possibility.

It is also reveled that they were brought forward because Sarah died in the past, of cancer, and she was the strongest fighter John knew, and he needed her to teach him longer. We see sad scenes of Sarah at the oncology center of the hospital getting blood work done trying to see where she is now. Trying to gage how long she has to train John. It's poignant. In the harsh, the world is a cruel place and never trust anyone or anything, mentality she has developed since Kyle died.

Summer Glau's Terminator, "affectionately" termed "Tin Man" by Sarah has been sent to help and protect John and Sarah. She later reveals to an emotionally wracked Sarah that she "gets it"; the "Tin Man" reference, from the Wizard of Oz, written by yada yada yada. She (Sarah) used to read it to John in Spanish when he was a child. He never got a chance to tell her it was something he loved. Tin Man will be a bridge between Sarah and John, I think.

But now I believe the FBI knows they're back, and back on the radar, even after Sarah and Tin Man had to have things like 9/11 explained to them by the folks who made their new IDs. The world has changes, and yet, are we really so far from the apocalypse foretold? Life will not be so easy, and will get more difficult every day - Judgment Day...wasn't that in 2007?

This should be interesting.

There's always going to be a problem here

2008-01-14T20:50:00Z

Listen, since we're entering into this relationship, of sorts, I feel it only fair to warn you that I will never be the fastest one to get to the screen to print out my words and opinions. No, I will be the one who sits back, digests, and then gives you my thoughts and tells you why I think it's utter bollux or supremely brilliant.

So if you're looking for a quickie - I ain't your gal. Just like I aint the gal who would fall down running in five-inch heels during the crisis chase scene in the movie. To hell with that, I'd take off the shoe and do a little spike heel damage and all we ladies know what that means. And a few men, too; more black men, I suspect: "Don't make her take her shoes off...." Earrings quickly follow.

But I'm gonna give you the honest truth about the movies that are out there, even the ones that Mr. No Bouncy Couch won't watch with me (bought me 6 movies for Christmas he has no interest in seeing whatsoever). His loss. Your gain.

So, I'm SOOOO far behind now but the other site is in the process of being built by pros and I think the combination of the two will really knock your socks off.

And now I will try to catch up with all my late late late late late reviews.

Alexia

Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End and a little Calypso thrown in for a woman scorned

2008-01-04T21:56:00Z

Everyone knows I do not listen to reviewers, which is just the most ridiculous scenario ever, since I am reviewing DVDs (at this time) for your pleasure - and mine. But I think most reviewers have become too jaded and are too full of themselves and want to be seen as too high-brow and taken too literally; they're "real" journalists, after all.

Screw that. I AM a real journalist, so I can write what I like about what I like about what I see. (No, I won't tell you where.)

But I am an action-oriented girl: fights, explosions, chase-senses that keep you on the edges of your seats, double-crosses that seem the end of the world until they become double-double-crosses. You know the stuff. Blow it up, char the clothes, get too close to the danger-spot...these are all the things I love, and I bet you I am not the only girl out there who does, but I bet you I am the only one with Curves and Nerves who will lead you on a tour of the best and worst of the genres.

And love every minute of it.

So, Mr. No Couch Bouncing will not go to theatres (sticky floors, people talking, people in general, prices, bathroom breaks where you can't hit "Pause"), and in general, I am in total agreement with him on all aforementioned marks against theatre experiences. Except James Bond in Gromann's (or whoever the hell owns it now) Chinese Theatre seeing "Casino Royale" with Daniel Craig, whom I love, but was angry as all hell at his caasting but soon discovered he was the most physically brutal of all the Bonds. Only problem with that one was Eva Green - sexy as hell but accent to kill a small mammal with tusks. In hindsight, Craig was a wonderful choice, and I didn't want Clive Owen to get typecast. *shrug* Sue me. A Blond Bond. I can live with it - can you (filming Bond 22 ((working title at the moment)).) and I'm more than ready.

How did we get from there to here...because I meander like I drink Champagne by the magnum. I do not, but it would be oh-so-nice.

The third installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean trillogy was much anticipated and truly without a word spoken, was much ready to be maligned by all without a scene seen. But it had several things going for it : 1)Keith Richards playing Depp's father, whom he reportedly based his character after, 2) Chow Yun-Fat as one of the treacherous Pirate Lords (and also after "Captain" Jack as Captain Sao Feng from Singapore), 3) the return of Jack Davenport as Captain James Norrington, always of seemingly questionable morality but when it comes to Elizabeth and finding out the truth of matters, we find he is a good man to the core, 4) Bill Nighy as Davy Jones although they killed his pet, sadly, 5) Naomie Harris as the mysterious Tia Dorma, come on the voyage to Worlds End for reasons for her own, and 6) everyone's secret favorite, Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbosa, leading the expedition to the Worlds End to save Jack, although we're not quite sure why. And that damned undead monkey. Why didn't it turn back?

We open after a bunch of hangings in Port Royale where the East India Trading Company has pretty much suspended all rights and has begun hanging people willy-nilly (did I just say that) and suspending all rights to lawyers, due process, and any other legal rights a citizen should have. Just then, a small boy picks up a coin and starts singing a song, outlawed, I'm sure, and the downtrodden crowd starts singing with him. A barrel is found so the boy can reach the noose and is killed outright, and the falling of the coin is a quite poignant sight. A rather humorous (if you like dark humor) note is when a guard runs to Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and says "My Lord, they've started.....singing...." Becket replies, dry as you like, "Well it's about time." Kind of sets the tone.

As the second movie set up, the former crew of the Black Pearl - save Captain Jack Sparrow who went down with the ship - are planning to go to the Wolds End to save their Captain. Tia Dorma is coming for her own reasons. It is a strange and almost "through the looking glass" trip to the other side made by his faithful companions, but as we check in with Jack, we find he's not doing so well himself. It seems there are about twenty of him and they may or may not be hallucinations and he is fighting with one of them over a half a peanut. The rest of them are left to crew the boat, although you're not really sure which one is the TRUE Captain Jack Sparrow. And one of them/him is a chicken. And I think it lay an egg. And...one of them/a hallucination is a goat, and I think he/a Jack hallucination is having amorous thoughts about it. I could be wrong but it seemed that way to me. Our dear Jack has truly lost whatever small marbles he had left. What's more, the Pearl is not on any water, it's on salt flats, as he finds as he takes a face-first header off the side of the boat. (If that was a special effect, bravo, because it really looked like he did it and it hurt.)

Finally, his friends find him, but are not quite sure how to get the Pearl to water, as their ship was crashed in the transition from our world to the next. Tia Dorma proves helpful here, as well, and from beneath her skirts come millions and millions of crabs - don't read into it, just appreciate the help. The crabs carry the ship to the water and get her afloat and Jack figures out the next step, although there is hostility with Barbosa about exactly WHO is the captain of the ship. Get over it already.

Once returned to the right side of the world, the Black Pearl and captain(s) head to the meeting of the Pirate Lords, help to be set up on the sly by Will Turner, and we finally get to meet the infamous father of Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Teague, who is the keeper of the Pirate Lore and Legends and the Rules for which all must abide. And he plays a guitar. Who saw that one coming? And he's more coherent than Sparrow - who saw THAT one coming?

Barbosa plays a dangerous game and says that the goddess Calypso is with them in corporeal form, locked away as she was by the old Pirate Lords years ago, and it is time to let her go. Sao Fang asks only to accompany Elizabeth to the meeting place on his boat and he will leave her alone. She agrees, angering Will, who believes she is keeping secrets from him. Once on Sao Feng's boat it becomes apparent that he thinks she is Calypso, and if he sets her free, he would be her humble servant in exchange for small favors. Suddenly they are attacked by the EITC and Sao Feng is pierced trough the heart by a beam. He gives her his piece to free her anyway, believing it to be the right thing to do, and makes her Captain of his ship.

Suddenly, Elizabeth has a place at the Pirate Lord voting table. But since all the Pirate Lords seem to fight and vote only for themselves, they are at somewhat of a stalemate. Elizabeth wants to fight the East India Trading Company, believing them immoral, and taking over too much of the waters, trade, tariffs, and more. She believes they can win. It is put to a vote - Captain Teague brings out an ancient book that says that all the Pirate Lords have to vote for a Pirate King, and only the Pirate King can decide upon a course of action.

Of course, all the Pirate Lords vote for themselves...except Jack. Jack has a plan where he thinks he will take over the Flying Dutchman as the captain and therefore never die. So Jack votes for Elizabeth, knowing the EITC will call out the Flying Dutchman first to render their foe helpless. Meanwhile, a tender scene takes place in the cells beneath the ships where Tia Dorma, the real Calypso, is visited by her Davy Jones.

"I waited after ten years for you to show up and you never did...why?" He asks painfully. "It's in my nature," she responds. "Would you have me any other way?" He walks around for a minute, angry, confused, hurt, and she says "But I would like to give you my heart, if you will let me." To which he becomes furious, and she reminds him - "You were given one job - to help the dead to the other side, and you have no done that, Davy Jones. And for dat, you will pay." And this is no empty threat she is making, you can tell.

Barbosa, greedy as ever has somehow collected or stolen all the pieces to make Calypso whole again, and right in the middle of the battle of the Pearl heading to the Dutchman, Calypso is freed. She becomes the attack of the 50- foot woman with a vengeance (with reason) and she creates a whirlpool, to which both ships are sucked in, saved only from sinking lower by their masts becoming entangled. They circle round and round and their crews fight vicious battles and Will's father is so far gone that he doesn't even recognize him, he's become part of the ship, even trying to attack him at one time. Elizabeth, having been taken prisoner on the Dutchman before and spoken to Bootstrap in his ship-dementia hears that he is sure that Will will come back for him, but that he can't stay and save him, because to save him, he would have to kill the Captain, thereby giving up any life with Elizabeth. It's a tragic moment and one pregnant with foreshadowing.

The fight rages on and on and finally Will and Elizabeth convince Barbosa as Captain of the ship to marry them, and in a rare moment of heart, Barbosa performs the deed, and we get the kiss we waited three movies for. But the battles are not done yet, and the situations are dire indeed. Both ships are in grave peril. Finally Will gets to The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones and is ready to save his father, and Jack is already there, good Jack on one shoulder telling him to do what's right and moral and just, and bad Jack is on the other shoulder telling him to run like hell and get out of there, but Jack stays, despite his voices, ready to enact his plan to thwart death. And Elizabeth is there to see the awful inevitability no matter what happens. And Will is struck down by a stray sword. And Jones laughs at him and makes a joke of his life and his love. And Bootstrap carrys the Chest and says like the true member of the crew that he has become, "the Ship must have a Captain." Repeating the statement menacingly and approaching with purpose, we suddenly turn to see Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth sticking a knife into Davy Jones heart. I suppose it doesn't matter he is dead - it is his hand that slays the heart of Davy Jones.

And the crew begins to approach, and their fishy appendages begin to fall off for the sins of the Captain have no longer become their own. They are men once more. And Will Turner knows his job - to escort dead souls from one side to the other. And once every ten years, he gets one day a year with his love. He offers his father his freedom - he has done all this to free his father, but his father says that he wants to serve with his son, so his son tells him to take the wheel. And the East India Trading Company has no idea that a vital change has been made.

The Pearl approaches Beckett's ship on one side and The Dutchman on the other, and the ship is essentially blown to bits, with Beckett repeating over and over "it was only good business..." And we see Beckett sink to the bottom wrapped in his precious EIO flag.

And the movie ends with Will and Elizabeth's one day on shore - their wedding day. The long awaited, much anticipated, and dearly deserved. And he asks her to hold his heart in the chest - it's always belonged to her, anyway, he claimed. She agrees, and...save for some humorous bits, c'est finis.

And a fine finish, if not sad and not deserved if you ask me. But a romp and a riot and never a dull moment and the extras - like the goofs make it well worth it.

So keep a weather eye on the horizon. The Soundtrack is well worth the investment as well.

An Eight - oooooooooh! on my one to ten scale.

Out of Space, Out of Time, We Are : Lost

2007-12-01T22:41:00Z

So, I have this confession to make - for a while I didn't have tv. I mean I had a television set, I just didn't have cable service so I could watch the TV shows that everyone was talking about. Mr. No Couch Bouncing had an altercation - well, a loud disagreement - with the local cable company and since they were the only game in town (in that town at that time), I didn't see anything the same way other people did. Which is why I started watching "24" on DVD only. I couldn't even try to watch that on TV now. To stretch that out and not be able to sit down and just watch a few episodes at at time; I'd go batty.

Same thing with "Lost". Got hooked on that one on DVD, and even though we have cable now and I could watch it weekly, I don't; I'm waiting for Season 3 to be released on December 11, and in anticipation of the release I'm doing something really over the top. Mr. No Bounce and I are marathoning our way through Seasons One and Two back to back. It's pretty intense and you forget how intense a show it is in the first place. It's supposed to be intense in one-hour-blocks each weeks, but sitting down and watching it non-stop, well, except for Diet Coke refills and pee-breaks, it's kinda overwhelming. You end up sitting there saying "holy crap" to yourself a lot.

Now, don't get me wrong, you don't get so bowled over that you can't see the little winks and nods this second time around that you might have missed the first time (The pilot of the plane is "Heroes'" Matt Parkman, J.J. Abrams real life best friend). You're aware that it's gonna leave you hanging on that hook at the end of the last episode, and you're prepared for it...kinda. And it's fun to sit there and get lost in "Lost" for a couple of hours; I admit, it feels really good to escape reality that much!

And it's nice to re-acquaint yourself with the characters again, before you watch another year and see who is expendable this time around...

So I haven't seen anything new for a few days. I've been watching some familiar faces and the scheming and planning of some really great characters. And I remember now why I like this show - it's just really freaking good, man.

I can't wait for the 11th.

We Are Very Amused : Star Trek BORG Fan Collective

2007-11-27T14:37:00Z

This is a cool idea - the fans got to decide which episodes would make it onto a DVD collection specifically devoted to Star Trek BORG episodes. And it wasn't just Star Trek : The Next Generation, no, this is Enterprise, Voyager, AND TNG; spanning all the "collective" Star Trek memories.

It's 4 discs, so it's not overly done, and these really are the best of the episodes that I remember. I am sure there are others who would be happy to debate with me for hours but let me assure you - that ain't gonna happen. Number one, I just ain't that geeky. Number two, everyone has different faves but this is the compilation they came up with and it is - in my not so humble opinion - a damn fine group.

There are four episodes on the first two discs and three on the second two, and special features are generally audio commentary or text commentary. It is in fullscreen format - TV shows were shot that way until Enterprise, which is show in all it's Widescreen glory.

From simple drones to Locutus, to Hugh, to Lor, to Seven of Nine, to the Queen herself, this is a fantastic journey through the Borg collection. Heehee.

I'm trying not to give too much away because I think you'll enjoy sitting down and watching and rediscovering the episodes for yourself. But I highly recommend it and it was a three Diet Coke night. Oh yeah - all the way through baby.

Check it out at Amazon - The Star Trek BORG Fan Collective.

Make it so.

Time for the Geek in Me : Numb3rs

2007-11-24T18:57:00Z

Okay, so I admit, there is a geeky part to me - I'm not ashamed of it. Geeks are cool. If you don't believe me, just look at me.

See?

Anyway, this show was recommended to me by - don't laugh - the woman who did my nails. She said it was this smart murder/crime drama and they used math to solve the mystery each week. I'm thinking - ohmigod, could you get any more boring. But I think, I like this lady, I look for good recommendations, I record it. (I don't make appointment TV, I make appointments with my recordings.)

One of the first episodes I saw was where a man was murdering people and using the Fibonacci Sequence as part of the way he would pick his next victim and leave a biblical verse as to why the victim they had just found had been chosen. Okay, sounds too complicated, right?

Think "The DaVinci Code" where they kind of mapped out the thought process for you so you could see the workings of the mind as the problem was revealed. This is accompanied by an easy to understand explanation of an otherwise complicated computation narrated by the genius boy wonder brother of the head detective.

They get into Game Theory, car racing slip differentials, you name it, it's there, and it's really quite cool. I'm surprised by how much I like this one. David Krumholtz plays the boy genius, and I like that he doesn't feel compelled to live up to the expectations of the Hollywood body-type. A little spare tire can be a sexy thing sometimes. Rob Morrow plays his Detective brother and Judd Hirsch plays their mensch father.

It's a quirky cast and has some real endearing characters and developments between them that are as fun to watch as the mysteries themselves. If you've got time on a Friday, pop a Diet Coke and see what you think of these Numb3rs.

It's UnAmerican if You Don't See It : Live Free Or Die Hard

2007-11-24T18:10:00Z

Probably half the readers of this blog won't have been born when the first Die Hard movie came out. Sure, you can rent it, but at the time, it was the hottest thing ever - you have no idea of the world wide phenomenon John McClane and Yippie KaiYai MuthaFu.. was. It was something that redefined the action movie genre and the hero persona. We loved John.

We loved John when he saved the airport the second time around, screaming about "how could this happen to the same guy twice??" We laughed and we loved John.

We loved John as he had to run around New York with Samuel L Jackson, even though we could see he was starting to break down as a human being. We thought we understood, and hell - a lot of us were starting to break down, but in our own ways...it had been a few years since that first exhilarating ride.

Now John is in his 50s, and he's breaking down in the same cartilage-worn ways we are. He doesn't move as fast as he did, he doesn't have the wallop in the punch he once had...but John's got one thing....Experience.

Hackers set out to undo the world economy, headed up by our very own Timothy Olyphant (with hair, the sexy way I want him. And I DO want him.) and a nasty mystery woman partner who is ready to inflict some bad-guy damage on whomever gets in the way. John's mission - get the one remaining hacker who survived (they killed the rest to destroy the evidence) to the Justice Department so they can figure out what is being done and somehow save the day. Easy, right?

Is it ever easy for poor John? Mayhem, Mayhem, Mayhem, and he gets his ass kicked by a girl, Maggie Q. And she does a damn good job of it, too. Poor John starts to show just how broken down he really is. But there's one part of John that ain't broken, and that's his wits - and they have always done him well thus far. Maggie dies a righteous death at the bottom of an elevator shaft, this other wall-jumping Spiderman character ends up in an industrial shredder, and John drives a semi off a broken overpass into a flying object and slides down broken concrete to escape - unbelievedable you say? John McClane I say.

"I've done this before," he deadpans early on. We're with you, buddy.

Kevin Smith and his "command center" is just a fantastic cinematic cameo. I would've paid just for that scene; friggin hilarious. Silent Bob throws a hissy fit. Couldn't have been more perfect.

Eventually, John gets the job done and his daughter safe (oh, she gets taken hostage, but you saw that coming, right?) and the little hacker geek to the right good guys in the white hats and his daughter calls herself McClane, not Gennaro (if you didn't see the other ones, I am NOT explaining it.) and we cue the happy music. And a bruised and battered John McClane ends another day of saving the good old USA.

Thanks for the John McClane's of the world, and there are those of them out there. We dunno who you are,and likely don't wanna, but - thanks.

What I Wanna See

2007-11-23T18:47:00Z

Every now and then (it's in my quick-links) I head over to Apple Trailers and see what's coming out that I am gonna be interested in and then I'lol do a little more research on it.

I thought we'd cover some of the newest things out and see what I'm looking forward to seeing, and if any of you have the same excitement.

Hitman. Strange casting, Timothy Olyphant? But he could pull it off. But it looks so damn slick on the trailers I'm almost salivating at all that splatter. Please please please don't let this be just another disappointing attempt to make a movie out of a video game. Make it as cool as the trailer and don't make the trailer have the only cool scenes. That pisses me off. But the music is cool.
Sunshine. Still showing as in theatres, I guess, but there is a release date for the DVD out there so I am pre-ordered and trying to prepare for the non-couch bouncing. Aside from the fact that I adore Cillian Murphy, Michelle Yeoh is a babe, it's a sci-fi doomsday mystery and it can't get any better a premise than that, can it now? Okay, let's jump start the sun by delivering a nuclear payload right to it's core...but we'll all be okay, right? I've watched every trailer special I could get my hands on with this in one of my manic phases; it shows so much promise and potential - I am so looking forward to this that if it doesn't deliver, something is getting broken. Literally.
Cloverfield. This is the new one from J.J. Abrams of "Lost"fame. Like the rest of J.J.'s work, there is something unseen and unknown destroying NY and a couple of friends are 'recording' the whole scary unseen and unknown thing 'cause "somebody's gonna want to know what happened, man." What J.J. does best is keeps you in a prolonged state of suspense until you think your head is going to explode. This looks like another feather in his cap. One question - when does this guy sleep?
P.S. I Love You. Hillary Swank and Gerard (THIS IS SPARTA!) Butler. Butler dies and leaves Swank a letter a day for a year to help her cope and get on with life. I Like Gerard Butler, I've liked him since Dracula 2000; I think he's been underrated as an actor and I am glad to see him getting roles that are more worthy of his talents. It may be a chick flick but it's Gerard Butler. He could read the phone book and I'd listen for hours. Or he could spend the night and I'd watch him do sit ups and that six-pak ripple all night...Just remember - he held the Hot Gates. And it just looks like a nice movie. I am a girl too, you know, and good drama is good drama. Guilty Pleasures and all.
The Mist. Stephen King is still at the top of his game and this is yet another notch in the belt of a man whose pants are gonna fall down soon. A storm hits a town and everyone heads to the supermarket for supplies. Except once they get there, the mist rolls in, and brings with it...things. Turns out the Army has been experimenting with dimensions. Just what kinds of doors did they open? Thomas Jane and Marcia Gay Harden square off in this one and who will win is Stephen's whim, and we all know you never can tell with the King of King.
I Am Legend. When I first heard Will Smith was cast as the "Man", I was pretty upset. I was a huge fan of the book and just coudn't see Will in the role, and I love Will. Well, if the trailers are right, I'm ready to take my lumps like a big girl and eat crow 'cause it turns out Will Smith IS The Man. When I learned this book was written by the same man who penned "What Dreams May Come" I was floored; I didn't understand. Now, I see. For the life you want, for life itself, life and love are a battle and you have to fight your hardest every day, like it's your last - and never forget that. And they are worth fighting for. So g'on Will. We gotcha back on this one.
Valkyrie. Tom Cruise isn't doing himself many favors these days. In my personal opinion, he's done more to alienate himself with his public than endear himself. And if he wants to take on someone about mental health issues he can leave Matt Lauer alone and talk to someone who knows the REAL story; ME. Really turned me off with that. That having been said, the ensemble cast for this historicasl drama about the attepted assassination of Hitler is among the best I have seen: Terrence Stamp, Kenneth Branaugh, Eddie Izzard (YAY!), Bill Nighy, Cruise, and more. Directed by Brian Singer of X-Men fame, there may be a sniff of blockbuster to this. And I do love a good bloody historical drama full of deceit and intrigue.
The Golden Compass. Okay I read these books so I feel obligated to see the movies but look what they did to my beloved Narnia and if this turns out better I am really gonna do someone damage, frakking Weta. Will I ever see Prince Caspian and the rest, likely not but I bet I see the rest of this trillogy. And the books were a bit odd so I am not sure how they will translate to the screen but if they do, someone better contact me about adapting the Whangdoodle. Enough said. Besides. Daniel Craig. Screw it.
Jumper. Okay, from what I can gather, this is a pretty cool premise. You can jump through the space line but not the time line. So from here to there, but not from here to then. Cool! Go anywhere, do anything. Until Samuel. L. Jackson shows up and starts wankin' on you about "consequences"...Looks slick, and if it stays as slick as the trailer promises, I'm definitely in my seat for this whole show. Sci-fi/fantasy fun abounds.
Black Irish. I am Black Irish, and if you aren't, you probably won't get it. I am crying just from the trailer. Boy makes good despite family in the dumps. Enough said.
Music Within. Wow. Looks very interesting. Guy goes to Vietnam and loses his hearing. Comes back to the States, befriends a guy with Cereberal Palsey and gets hired by the US Government to educate companies about hiring people with handicaps. Sounds like crap, right? No really, I'm telling you, watch the trailer! The guy with CP is Michael Sheen who played Tony Blair in "The Queen" and this is likely another stellar performance by him and I for one am a sucker for a feel good story about overcoming the odds because who doesn't feel like the underdog every now and then? I know I sure as hell do. Every frikkin day. Based on the trailer alone, I am plunking down $10 for this. Even if it is $10 for the DVD.
Slipstream. Oooh - kinda creepy. Anthony Hopkins gets hired to rewrite a screenplay and can't tell what's real and what's the screenplay anymore. Freaky in that this could be so cool but I might be watching "Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas" kinda weird. Which is good! HST is good. Off the wall coo-coo, but good. Cast looks fantastic. I'm definitely in.
The Rocket. Okay, most times I won't admit it, but I am from upstate NY, Hockey country. When we had the Olympics in Lake Placid, that was just miles from my home - and we won. Hocky was big, you could hear the whole town cheer. And you could hear the Canadians across the river cheer too. Here's a movie about one of the bloodiest sports out there. Boxing, yeah, all well and good, but do it on a quarter inch blade, yeah? This is a movie about guts, glory, the Rocky of the rink. And we all love the blood on the ice. Or is it just me? Anyway, I'm in. Plus I have a thing for the Canadian Quebequois accent...first love was a Canadian who spoke the fastest French in the world...ah...memories...I'm down for this one. As long as they don't do the nose thing. If you know hockey, you know what I am saying. And that's ALL I am saying. Looks good. Rocky of the Rink.
Shine a Light. Scorcese "directs" the Rolling Stones. Actually, Mr. No Bouncing will make me get this one for the new media room, but just looking at the trailer, I think I actually wanna see it. And I am not the world's biggest Stones fan. But the color saturation, the close-ups, the guest appearances, the...Scorcese. The Mick, the boys...it's just gonna be memorable. I'm down.
P2. Horror/Suspense fans will like this one. What do you do when it's Christmas eve and your car is on Parking level 2 and it won't start? Then, to compaound matters, the parking attendant wants to have this "date" with you because he's been watching you for a long time, now. Chases, near eascapes, duels, a dog (?), and lots of blood with suspense killing me in just the trailer. This looks fun. Not "killer", just fun. A Wednesday night fright.
Horrorfest 2007. I would have a coronary if I had to watch all of these movies in a row. The trailer had me shivering and I think my goosebumps have goosebumps. Holy-fraking-cow. Is it legal to scare someone to death? It's like the roller coaster when you're sure you are going to die before you ever get to the bottom of the first drop 'cause your heart's just gonna give out. Space it out and I can do it. Over and over and over and you'd have to be a stronger person than me....or just have a lot of patience as I press 'pause' a lot.
Control. YAY! It's Joy Division!!!! Oh, you're probably too young, go listen to some Britney. This was when it was REAL and music changed the world...although we're all prone to saying that aren't we. Joy Division did, though, and this is about the real struggles of Ian and the band. God, I love Joy Division...and it's newer incarnation - 10 points for whomever can answer me that one first.
One Missed Call. J-Horror at it's absolute best. You get a phone call of a person about to die, even if that person is right there with you. Creepy. And they all die these absolutely awful deaths. So finally, one intrepid girl goes to search out why all these deaths are connected and - as you can imagine - horror ensues. Looks fantastic. Ed Burns, too, and he ain't hard on the eyes. A triple Diet Coke for this one.
Southland Tales. I have no frikkin idea what this is about and I don't even care, I wanna see it on sheer star power and trailer appeal alone. Can I just chew on Dwayne "The Rock" for a while? C'mon, just a bicep? Sarah Michelle Gellar - yummy with a spoon! Mandy Moore (I just feel dirty thinking anything about her so, nice girl), Seann William Scott who is always on the verge of either making me bust out laughing or just crying with laughter. And Justin Timberlake. With a scar. Okay. Not sure about that one. But there are others like Cheri Oteri and a few other cameos that should shake the house, and since this is the second teaming up of The Rock and Seann William Scott (I don't care, I loved the first one, it had me giggling), I am ready to ROCK and roll on this one. Buckle up kids, we're going for a ride.
No Country For Old Men. Which I actually think is out now. Okay just a few words. Cohen Brothers. Weird. Javier Bardem. Weird. Call it. Weird. Josh Brolin. Weird. Missing Money. Weird. I wanna see it. Weird.
The Bucket List. We end with The Bucket List. It is, appropriately enough, a list of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket". Nicholson and Freeman find out they are each terminal and somehow together make their Bucket list and go do all the things that they denied themselves in life. It's probably a three tissue or more movie, and I really don't care cause good drama is good drama and it's frikkin Nicholson and Freeman - they're LEGENDS, man! I'd pay to watch them eat soup. Well. Minestrone, maybe. But I'm watching this one. Cause we all should have a Bucket list of our own...and start it sooner rather than later.

There. I've exhausted Apple Trailers for a while, and myself, and I'm off to watch a real movie or two and I'll see you all in the real near future.

Boo!

Did I get ya?

Heroes, and a flutter in my chest...

2007-11-21T18:07:00Z

Ohmigod...did you see it? Did you blink, cause you might've missed it...Please tell me you saw it....

Heroes actually had some of it's old vim and vigor. I actually had a tissue out! It had a good storyline and a few surprises you didn't see coming and...allegiances were shifting...oh geeze, I might well up again.

HALLLE-FRIKKIN-LUYA, it's about time NBC and if you pull this is crap on me again, I am NOT sticking with you for a forgettable however many episodes it was (I really can't remember, they were that bad). But if you're back on the tracks now and promise to keep this train a rockin' and a rollin' then...I'm with ya baby, and I'll be servin' the cocktails.

Get this - Claire got a backbone. Yeah - didn't see that one coming, did ya? Told her dad she was staying while the rest of the family fled - once again. And Stalker boyfriend, okay, I have to call you Stalker boyfriend because that's your Heroes name now, but you came through in a pinch - and a pow.

Hiro's story had me in tears - okay I AM a girl, sometimes. Trying to save his dad, realizing he can't play God, saying a loving and terribly emotional (three tissues) farewell to his father and then learning who it was who killed his dad. Didn't see that one coming, either.

Matt's starting to scare me a little...too much using of the power to get his own way. Like father, like son? Please say it isn't so - Parkman was a real Hero, deserved to be one, had the true heart of one. I guess all anti-heroes are the same way at one time, though, aren't they. Look for the "My Two Dad's" split soon. But really, I didn't think Matt had it in him to torture Angela Petrelli for a name. Especially when he could see it was affecting her physically. I guess he is a bad guy now.

HRG - whose real name IS Noah, go figure, captures Sparky before the "Company" can nab Claire. And he lets Sparky know her dad was the one who turned her on to the juice in the first place...oh, can't you just see the subtle shift there later on when Dad's checking on her and she shrugs him off? LOVE IT!

And the taking of Claire's blood - okay, that made sense to me after the whole Adam story when he made Nathan Petrelli better. This must mean that powers are not unique - others can have the same ones. The blood is the life, to coin a phrase. It can heal others when taken from those who can heal themselves. That makes sense. Kind of negates poor old Linderman's gift, but hey - he was a bastard anyway.

And I gotta give a big WHAT THE FRAK to Suresh. I know he thinks he's going to do something wonderful but, christ...he kills the man he calls his partner? Remind me not to pal around with him. It was one of Mendez's paintings that didn't make sense - Suresh pointing a gun, but never would I have guessed it would have been at HRG. (It's his Heroes name.) I hope Syler really gives him a nice welcome home next week (per the trailer).

Final moments of the show and they do it to me again. Didn't see it coming and I think he said it the same time I did - "What the...." From the dead?? Definite soda dribble moment.

NBC, you didn't write to me but you must've listened...and thank you...for at least giving us something before the Writer's Strike takes it all away.

And for the record - I am FOR the Writers. I AM a Writer. They can come over for pizza anytime. We'll watch movies.

Just a quickie: Transporter 2

2007-11-21T17:45:00Z

So I walk into the room for the evening's viewing preasure and Mr. No Bouncing on the Couch has in Transporter 2 for a minute.

Excellent!

It was right when he was in the garage with a whole gangload of guys after him and he's there in his suit taking stock of the situation and I think...I love Jason Statham.

No, really. I LOVE JASON STATHAM. He is the pissed-off English guy we've grown to love ever since Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Transporter, Transporter 2, Crank - it's a well-developed formula and why would you ever mess with it?

'CAUSE he's done a picture with Jet Li (I'll never do another fight movie again..after this one) where HE DOES AN AMERICAN ACCENT. WHISKY TANGO FOXTROT, why you messin' wid my formula? It works and it's what I want!!! (Haven't seen it yet, so I don't know if I can forgive him, but it gets even better after this - hang on.) I was just LIVID watching those trailers and I just don't kow if I can recover.

So I watch the fight in the garage which is SO well choreographed, and then how he uses the hose to wrap every-body up at the end - love that. And I can calm down for a minute.

Then I remember, this year he did In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and I get even more incensed because (I haven't seen it) all I can imagine is him in tights. NOT my pissed off Englishman.

And now they're planning Crank 2 - um....how did he not die in that first one, falling from the helicopter and having a chest full of a lethal cocktail? Ooookay Hollywood...all you're seeing is $$$$$ now. He's in A MILLION PIECES FROM THE FALL, or did he miraculously hit a mattress outlet store that kept it's surplus conveniently stored outside?

Frikkin morons.

Don't mess with my Formula. War comes out on DVD soon. Let you know if he's forgiven. Ooooh, I'm just too worked up now!!!

A Heinous Crime : Murder One

2007-11-20T08:52:00Z

So, someone sent us a copy of this series as a gift. I had no real desire to watch it. It just didn't seem compelling. Maybe I'd overdone it with L.A. Law or something. And Cripes did I need a rest after THAT one.

But Mr. No Bouncing pointed me in the direction of the Amazon writeup, and we were short on interesting new DVDs so I decided to give it a try. Man - where was I when this first made its appearance because this was one of the best, most well-executed shows with more twists and turns than Minnie Driver's hair.

It is a surprisingly simple premise - much like the formula of 24, now, it is one murder case being tried, from beginning to end. So what, you say. Lemme tell you, the cast of characters and the posturing and maneuvering here was so sharp and so subtle at the same time it gave me chills.

A prostitute is killed. Did her boyfriend, an admitted drug and alcohol abuser, do it, or did he leave her alive, as he believes he did. Jason Gedric plays the boyfriend, Neil Avendon, and I don't think I've ever seen a role played with better believability. I thought he was a throw-away, but this proved me wrong. Stanley Tucci plays the mysterious Richard Cross whose motives are up for grabs until the final seconds of the series. The lead Defending Attorney is played by the underspoken and understated Daniel Benzali, and his reticence really works for him in this role. You truly believe his mind is always just one step ahead, and are shocked in those few times when he is shown that he might not be.

Of course, this being a Steven Bochco production, his (now) ex-wife Barbara Bosson plays the prosecuting district attorney, but I was surprised by how much I even liked her in her role.

Casting aside, I cannot recommend this storyline to you enough. Unfortunately I can not tell you about it without giving too much away - every point is important and vital, and frustrating as it sounds, you'd thank me for not telling. Suffice it to say - more than one person dies, there are multiple suspects, and no one is above suspicion. It's a bloody, brutal story filled with sex, drugs, lies, prostitution, and more kinkiness than at your local BDSM store, but somehow they made it work, and they did it impeccably.

The writing is superb. The dialogue is crisp and parries and thrusts with each noun and verb - this is some of the best I've seen in a long time, and this isn't my usual genre, kids. But if you've got some time and a few bucks, this is an investment you'll thank me for. Don't expect any pulled punches...it's all out there. But it's some of the best TV ever had to offer.

From me to you.

Better. Stronger. Faster. : The Bionic Woman

2007-11-16T19:29:00Z

CAVEAT: Guilty pleasures. We all have them. Admit it. You cry at the commercial where the guy calls his mom...or something similar. We all have guilty pleasures.

Mine used to be BBC America, since I was engaged to an English bloke and figured I'd want to know all about his life, where he came from and what kind of things he was exposed to. You're wincing. You know what's coming. I got hooked on...East Enders. Specifically, the storyline of Zoe, the doctor, her sister/mother Kat and all the hell breaking loose right about then. Talk about trash TV; I'd sit there with a box of Tortino's Pizza rolls and crack up for an hour.

Here's where it gets wonky - Zoe was played by Michelle Ryan. The new Bionic Woman. I hate it when words collide, don't you?

Okay, NBC went with an ambitious plan of not so much re-creating as re-building the show into something plausible and fun. We all know NBC needed a good jolt in the arm after losing it's deadliest linebacker in the Thursday night "Friends" front. Then they lose Katie...it doesn't take a mystic to see, NBC needed a winner.

Except you can't call this show a winner, yet. Freshman year, the freshman five, we'll give it. It's a little too sappy in the whole Jaime/Becca relationship (yeah, she can't get school assistance AND work like the million of us out there? And where is this loser Dad who went AWOL after Mom died of cancer - look for that plot line to thicken to a nice gravy later on).

Molly Price as Ruth Truewell is KILLING me, she's so funny. "Look. I got a plant." She's the head-shrink to make sure that Jaime is adapting mentally in a positive manner after her bionic make-over. She plays it so straight, though, that I think she's the potential soda-through-the-nose moment for the season. An interesting twist - she's a shrink who does field work....okay. If that works for ya. Actually, according to NBC's official site, she's Bledsoe's 2nd in command.

Miguel Ferrer as Jonas Bledsoe, the head of the super-secret group that Jaime has to now work for to repay her $50 million debt (inflation, it's a bummer, man), is a -hmm, stereotypical gruff-with-a-heart-of-gold kind of guy. I heard him comment in an interview that he has to play a father-figure to a totally hot girl, which really sucked. We feel ya, Miguel. But, hey - this last week, Becca, Jaime's sister gets busted for drunk driving, or shall we say drunk curb-bumping, and Bledsoe bails her out and...no lectures. Just the revelation that he has daughters and that maybe the lectures he gave were what drove them away. Meanwhile - DRUNK DRIVING ANYONE??? Like Jaime's not gonna notice THAT somewhere down the line? Plot hole so big even my tits fall through it.

Jaime's partner, Grey's Anatomy's Bad Boy in Residence Isaiah Washington - shortest character arc. Dead already. Dead, DEAD, D-E-A-D, throw him in a body bag dead...Unless they make him bionic. Oh, and wouldn't he just be all bad ass and forgetting to take names if he was bionic? That, friends...would be...naughty but nice.

Okay, and we get to the original reason I started watching the show (sorry Michelle): Katee Sackhoff. Originally, in the NBC lineup, it looked like Katee was in the main cast, but now she is billed as guest star. Can I just sing-song Mis-taaaaake here? Katee's portrayal of Sarah Corvus has got to be one of the most enigmatic characters on the NBC roster this year. And I say this not because she's sexy as hell and carries the bad girl thing to the Nth degree, but because she can DO IT. She SELLS it. Backstory is that Sarah was the first bionic test case but couldn't handle the mind and body meld and lost it, killing a whole frak-load of people in the process.She Claimed her bionics were hacked and she wasnot in control of her actions and was really frightened. When her lover/mentor/teacher showed up, she looked freaked out and petrified and out of control and she looked as though she knew it and she said "I'm not in control!" SO, loverboy shoots her in the head. Ah, can't you hear the cupids playing softly in the background now...

Corvus showing up now makes for an interesting diversion - she's testing Jaime to find her weaknesses because she admittedly has been replacing the "weak" parts of herself with bionics. Hmmm. She also tells Jaime about the five year life span with the antrhrocites (new technobabble for "we make nanobots that make bionics in your body, we just die in five years"). Sarah is sincerely hoping Jonas has a cure but he doesn't - not yet, and the only man who does - is Jaime's dead fiance (and didn't she mourn him a long time????) father. But golly-gee, sports fans - he just got boosted from prison.

Wonder what he's working on. (Cue ominous music.) (No, cue it now.) (NOW.)

And this brings me to another tidy little thing that I really rather love - it's "The Bionic Woman". I mean no offense to Michelle Ryan, but she's as womanly to me as a junior college varsity volleyball player. I can't feel the depth. Her finace is killed and she's DATING? Yeah. She goes from working in a bar slinging drinks to Selling Time Shares in Arizona? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, buddy? And dress the girl in something sexy once and a while cause I've seen her in that stuff and she can pull it off - believe me. (A buck-ten, fucking vomit.) The only Bionic Woman in this series is - and perhaps I am prejudiced - is Katee Sackhoff, even if she is evil. She's womanly, she's seductive, she gets what she wants, she had no qualms about getting her job done and she is there for the mission. Kinda like her to be backing me up, if I ever needed bionic back-up. (as if.) Katee emanates the very visceral sense of the term woman.

Michelle is a really, really nice girl. She's the kind of gal you'd like to have as a friend - dependable, caring,k loving, do anything for you but who just has really really really bad luck. And you can see more coming a mile away, can't you? CIA guy? Totally BAD. Partner gets killed in three weeks? Maybe four? Her fighting skills are not progressing, she doesn't know enough about the situations she goes into like the old Jamie who at least had some governmental briefings (FEMBOTS notwithstanding) and a dossier before being dropped in.

The Non-couch-Bouncer has admitted he's just putting up with this one so far, but I think it has real potential - the cast can be stellar, each of them. If the storylines can be fleshed out and removed of sap, I think this has a real shot at being a long-term goer. So I am making him watch it every week,and I'll watch "Life" with him which - shhhhh - I like. (Secret - I didn't like the Sopranos the frst year, either. Shoot me.)

Except lose the opening credits montage on TBW - oh...my...god...what is that: Mummenchantz? Christ. I could've done better in my shower. In fact - COME to my shower, we'll do a better sequence.

PS- Anyone else notice the dearth of BSG cameos in the show? Chief Tyrell, Will Anthros' father, Leoben, others... Glad to see the writers know talent and arent afraid to re-use it when they see it. Kudos x50 for that one. You'll be remebered fondly, David Eick ("Battlestar Galactica"), Executive Producer. Good talent is out there. Keep a rolodex of it.

Not rating it cause it's a work in progress. I'll give it a year end rating and a probablitlity of renewal. But, I really hope it does well - I can see so much potential. A gal kicking guys asses? Curves and nerves? And a witty comeback? Go on, petal. We got ya. For a while longer, at least.

A Psychological Feast for the Mind : Hannibal Rising

2007-11-16T06:49:00Z

This is my second time writing this review - now third - because the server says there are "office" side of things that I just won’t understand that basically just fucked my review up. Number one, DON’T talk down to me ‘cause I am a girl – I have just enough knowledge to be dangerous. I am informed that things that thins, even though saved on their site in “draft” format were lost, so I have to type the whole thing over. There was obviously a "hitch/glitch" in their server system last night and an hour and a half's writing suddenly disappeared even when I properly saved it like a good little girl and saved it in "draft" format. Can I just give you an example of my frustration? "Little Rabbit Frou Frou, Walking through the forest, scooping up the field nice and ..." You know the rest.

Perhaps I can learn a little patience and planning from our young protégé, Hannibal and plot out my revenge with the precision of a well-executed operatic theme.

Okay - One thing you must learn about me up front – I don’t listen to movie reviews. Which is kind of funny because that’s what I am doing. But I really don’t. Lot’s of time people have passed on something that they thought was a waste of cinematic time and space and I thought it was a masterpiece.

Point in case – “Ghost Rider” by that ubiquitous Bruckheimer/Cage team. Loved it, minor couch bouncing, but it could’ve been the cold medicine too. But come ON- how can you not LOVE Sam Elliot as one of the Last Riders out to settle his ultimate debt against the devil he tricked years ago? Hell yeah, bring on the Diet Coke, ‘cause I’m tuned in to the end.

Although the chick bothered me. Curves. No nerves. Completely tossable. Although…she did drink a bottle of wine and you gotta love a chick that can pound it down. Okay, she gets a pass, but really – too sappy. I was DONE with her about ten minutes into the movie. And I LOVE Eva. She’s smart, sassy, sexy and CURVACIOUS in ALL the right places. Now someone give her something where she can prove she’s got the chops. There will be mouths hanging down in surprise, I guarantee.

The reason I got off on this tangent – oh, and get used to the tangents – they can sometimes be useful - is because there was a book that came out called “Hannibal Rising” by Thomas Harris.

“Manhunter” – showstopper. Peterson in that role was unstoppable, a force of nature. (The original of course, sorry Ed.) “Silence of the Lambs” created such a buzz because it was the most frightening psychological thriller out there in years. Can anyone remember the scene of Jodie Foster, blind as a bat in the darkness, gun shaking from fear in her hand and Gumb reaching out to just barely touch her with Foster completely unaware of how close the real nightmare truly is?

National nightmares for weeks. It disturbed our national psyche and reminded us there are really folks of that ilk out there. And is quite likely responsible for stating all those CSI and SVU and other type shows out there and catapulting them to the stardom that they currently enjoy. If I may just say one word here – overkill….

I was disappointed by Harris’ next book; it seemed written specifically to be transferred to the screen instead of toward the character development that was so vital in the other episodes. I bought the book, of course. Hoping to glean some kind of character development, some insight into the Lecter mind, into the strange odd relationship he had seemed to have forged with Clarice. But – PIGS??? You gotta be joking me. Someone wants revenge on Lecter by feeding him slowly to death to pigs trained to crave the flesh of humans? Ooookay. Suspension of disbelief s starting to wobble a little bit here. Has someone been watching a little too much Guy Ritchie Movies? Where was Bricktop and we were ready to go…And Clarice saves him so she can turn him over to the police. Except she doesn’t. Yeah. But I let it go.

Until this next feast for the psychological thriller under the ominous name of “Hannibal Rising.” Had I been any kind of logical person, I would’ve read the book first, but I’ve been behind on my reading so I wanted to see what they’d do with the character development. How does Hannibal become the monster we’re forced to confront to viscerally – literally – later on in life?

The tale begins on the Eastern Front in WWII. Hannibal, his little sister Mischa, and his parents run from their castle fro the approaching Soviets and Germans and decide to hide out in the woods in an old hunting lodge. There isn’t much there – food is scarce – it has been a hard time for all concerned, not just the humans. While they are there, a Soviet tank enters the clearing offering assurances that they will take nothing except water for the tank. Suddenly, German bombers are in the air and a battle ensues. The children’s’ father tries to run back to protect them but is shot down before their eyes, traumatic enough in itself. When the battle is over, the two small kids (they can’t be more than 3 and 5) find their mother and try to give her medical attention, but she dies from shrapnel wounds. Yet another trauma to add to little impressionable minds. The Soviets leave and leave the children there, alone.

Soon, the children are found by a band of roving bandits and looters who fancied themselves at one time good enough for the S.S. They are filth, commoners, and would have never have made the upper echelon ranches of the Reich. The bandits tie the children up with a chain around their neck and progress to ransack the house, finding it as lacking as the legitimate previous owners. But now, the atmosphere turns sinister. The leader eyeballs the children and says “We must eat.” Without really showing anything, you get the impression something horrible has happened, and every night for the rest of his life, Hannibal is woken by the screams of Mischa crying his name as she is dragged out into the snow.

Mute by choice until about age 16, he is put into an orphanage work-camp by the Soviets, The work camp is – most conveniently, located in the former castle of the Lecters. It’s even commented upon when he’s called to the headmaster’s office, as the headmaster tries to elicit some kind of sympathy by saying “I know this must be hard for you, this having been your mother’s room and all…” Duh. This is NOT a comfort, you Crazpakistan moron. And they’re all fat and sweaty – it’s got to be all the grease in their food coming to the surface –they’re just an unattractive people. You almost cheer when Lecter instinctively stabs a hall monitor in the hand to defend himself. First step on a dangerous slope…

From there, Lecter uses his secret knowledge of the house, he finally escapes, still never uttering a word, but first entering his tormentor’s bedroom and liberating a packet of private letters his mother had stashed there years ago. (Why they survived is unknown, but we go with it.) He has to cross the Soviet Border, having been annexed after the war. It should be mentioned that he was rescued by some Soviet Soldiers who found him wandering in the wood with a chain around his neck, severe malnourishment, and significant mental trauma.

Lecter begins to show his canny caginess for diverting attention from where it is concentrated to where he can pass through undetected, and he slips though the Soviet border, not completely unnoticed but certainly unstopped. He boards a train and starts heading West, where in reading his letters from and to his mother, he finds he has an Uncle in France, and believing this is his only remaining relative, he sets his mind on finding that last face that will carry the familiar characteristics of a home he thought he had lost a long time ago.

Unfortunately for Lecter and disappointment really does seem to follow him like a lone cloud, he is introduced to the Japanese wife of his Uncle, Lady Murasaki. She is heartbroken to tell him the news that his Uncle died a year ago. She has kindness in her face and can see that he has had a hard time of it in the war and she invites him to stay with her, for the sake of his Uncle’s family. Hannibal is grateful, and still mute, he cuts himself one day trying to please her by attempting flower arranging. His Aunt tries to break the barrier of silence between them and begs “please talk to me!” He replies, but simply: “Thank you.” The silence is broken. That isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Soon, he discovers her shrine to her Japanese ancestors and her prayer rituals to them and it fascinated him. The drawings of how they displayed the heads of their defeated warriors become an almost erotic moment for him. It comes into play much later though. Later in the week, the family of Hannibal, Lady Murasaki and a servant head to the local market to get provisions. A brutish, drunken man goes way past the bounds of good taste and insults Hannibal’s Aunt. As a lady, she chooses to ignore him and leave, but Hannibal is furious. Perhaps it is because he feels so incensed over the lack of being able to do anything to save his sister when he was smaller that he feels so strongly that he must avenge this insult.

This culminates in Hannibal’s first death. He meets the fat slovenly butcher in the woods and he causes him pain before he gives him release to death. He seems to want to cause pain before he will give the final release of death. The suffering of the victim seems to be part of the developing modus operandi. When we learn later what drives him, this makes some kind of perverse sense, but in this scene we are almost astounded by the - not clumsiness but not careful calculated moves that are so indicative of Hannibal’s later conquests. It’s his first death we forget; after all, this IS Hannibal Lecter, but we forget that he had to begin his journey somewhere. And the refinements would come as time went on.

Even with this early death Hannibal makes a deliberate slits to the cheeks of the victim and cook them with mushrooms –a brioche? And the victim is decapitated. Cleanly, by a sharpened piece of metal that no one can seem to think would be sharp enough to cause such damage in one blow instead of hacking away at the body. French War Crimes Inspector Inspector Popil, played with understated magnificence by Dominick West in one of his few not-over-the-top performances, is convinced it is our young Hannibal, and even offers to help track down these criminals and bring them to justice, or if Hannibal will just share what he knows, Popeil can perhaps help him. (Sorry but the innumerable Popeil pocket fisherman jokes begin here.)

He suspects Hannibal, not because Hannibal can pass a lie detector test but because he can pass it with no emotion at all, hinting at a monster beneath. As Hannibal keeps being questioned, Lady Murasaki takes great risk to herself and pits the head on one of the pikes outside the police offices. Since Hannibal was inside at the time, he has to be let go. When he returns home to the apartment he hares with his Aunt, she is in tears. She asks him to stop. He wavers, deeply torn between his depth of caring for her and an age-old promise. “I promised Mishka first.” He says firmly but sorrowfully.

He sets out on a trip through Europe on a fact-finding mission to see what has become of the old troupe who ruined his and his sister’s lives. When le learns all he needs to know, he returns to Paris and resumes his studies as a medical student – the youngest ever accepted, he boasts in a “letter” to his dead sister. And the real plotting, planning, and conceiving of intricate plans far beyond most human comprehension begins. A brutal death in a lonely forest, other weird and wild deaths start passing through Europe like a plague. When Hannibal returns, Popeil warns Lady Murasaki that if Hannibal causes death on French soil, Popeil will have him under the Guillotine.

Hannibal is brought in for questioning again, and this time tells the story of the band of brigands who ate his sister. This is the nightmare that keeps him awake at night. She was only three and he could not protect her and the knowledge of it tears him to shreds every night in his dreams with her screams. The Inspector, looking quite ill, asks Lecter to pass along whatever information he knows so they can prosecute these war criminals. Hannibal agrees, but with the kind of smile he shares with Clarice later on where you know he just isn’t going to give her what she wants without a little work first.

That kind of acting subtlety is what sold this for me. Of course, Gaspard Ulliel who plays Lecter has studied Anthony Hopkins’ mannerisms and inflections, but instead of a straight mimicking or imitation, he has taken each gesture and added something uniquely Hannibal into it. Take the wave as the body is being drowned in an embalming tank in the school – too much for the older Lecter, but spot on for the younger man. A very careful study and performed with precision. I would not be surprised to see this man on American film screens again.

When we finally learn why Hannibal is as deranged as he is at the – ahem, shall we say – deathbed of one of the final victims, it is almost anticlimactic. You want they psychosis just for the sake of the serial killer mind and psychotic nature with no rhyme or reason involved. We enjoy our Hannibal unpredictable.

There is only one small moment of humanity you pity him for…after he has saved Lady Murasaki from a fate worse than death (and we are speaking literally), she kisses Hannibal and he kisses her back with a passion we did not know existed inside him. “I love you,” he says to her retreating form. “What is there left of you to love with?” she responds despondently. And yet, she covers his escape…and Lecter lives for another day…much like Clarice later on.

Coincidence?

I have it as a five – WOAH. I wanted back-story, but I feel I got a generalized serial killer with slight affectations of Hannibal later on more than a true Hannibal adventure. Still, worth the rent and a great addition to the Lecter collection.

Birds Fly Backward over The Golden Gate : Journeyman

2007-11-13T23:54:00Z

When I first heard of NBC's proposed idea for a time-travel program, my immediate response is "Didn't we just do that with Quantum Leap?"

The response is - yes, we did. There are some glaring similarities. It can't be overlooked. He has to go back in time and figure out why he's there and what he has to do in that time to change the outcome in order to "set history right." Okay. Aside from the moral question - do we even have the right? Send me to 1938 for chrissakes!!, there are some gems in this story which make it uniquely its own and genuinely endearing to watch. Okay, not endearing enough to scare away the guys cause there's lots of action, guns, cops, beatings,, nearly escaped deaths and all sorts of danger to avoid in the present and the past, but it's the human relations that really hold this whole thing together.

First we're introduced to Dan Vassar, played by Scotsman Kevin Kidd from HBO's ROME, and - co-incidentally enough, "Hannibal Rising" - a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle. Vasser is married, to the ex-girlfriend to his brother (ouch, mind taking that Ginsu out?), and is a recovering gabling addict. It was a bad addiction. And his first wife, Livia (Moon Bloodgood) died years ago. But now Dan has the picture perfect life, a son who adores him, and a wife who thinks the moon revolves around him.

Except he starts getting these headaches. And waking up 20 or 15 years ago. On some kind of mission he has no idea. Now THIS, boys, is what they call "Black Ops", when even YOU don't know the mission. After a while he gets sent back to his own time where he tries to explain to his very plain-looking but incredibly loving wife and as you can imagine, she has more than a few problems with it. Then she learns that Dan sees his ex-wife - the one they thought was dead for all these years - he sees her and interacts with her in these alternate time dimensions. I would've kept that one to myself but...that's just me. But it puts Wife #2 through the roof (Gretchen Egolff) Katie Vassar, and she predictably falls into the ever awaiting arms of her husband's brother whenever Dan isn't "available" to perform some task. Like he has a choice.

Brother Jack (Reed Diamond) is filled with jealousy and rage. You can actually smell it through the TV. He makes a perfunctory act of a pretense of dating but we all know that he's waiting for Katie to come running to him after the last straw on the camels' back has broken. He's really a rather smarmy character and one I wouldn't mind busting up the head with a draft glass in a bar-fight.

Jump head a few months and Jack seems to be learning from his lessons in the time streams. Although he bought a bottle of 2004 wine, went back and brought it home again and it had gone completely bad...I guess physics does rule. But Dan is starting to have moral dilemmas about what it is he's doing back in time. At one point he says to Livia, "Let the Higher Power do His Own dirty Work." This suggests Jack is beginning to feel like a pawn in some cosmic chess battle and there is a showdown coming.

All this is going on while Dan's young son is at home blissfully unaware that life as he knows it is falling apart around him. Oh wait. Until that one time that Dad disappeared right in front of is eyes. Cool! Dad's got a secret power! Aren't kids great?

And the money that was received in a previous time that can't be used in the present because its registered to a bank robbery committed in the past but Dan can use it when he goes into the past before it became "hot". Except his dimwit brother somehow gets the FBI involved and now Dan's under suspicion for everything he does, including disappearing on a plane once... Gee - thanks bro! Merry fuckin' christmas!

But Dan is such a good guy. He goes back to a 1970's swing party, and what does he do? He turns on the TV to watch the Nixon "I am Not A crook" speech. Hellooooo. Swing party.... He's almost too good. He's almost too morally centered, morally certain, morally grounded. We like our heroes to be flawed. So far, Dan's flaw is that he had a drink with an ex-wife he thought was dead. Hardly a capital crime.

Potential. I don't hold out a lot of hope. But Kevin McKidd deserves a showcase of his talents, if not here, then somewhere. Still a fun romp on a Monday....since there's no football....

Heroes, and how far a hero has fallen...

2007-11-13T07:15:00Z

When "Heroes" came out last year, it was such the world-wide phenomenon that it seemed time stopped - no Hiro jokes - on Monday nights. Did "Heroes" herald the death knell of Monday Night Football? ( I have relatives in Wisconsin anxious to know the real answer to that one.)

But the show had it all - catchphrases: Save the Cheerleader, anyone? It had a cavalcade of really compelling characters; to me there didn't seem a weak link in the bunch, well, maybe until the very end. But each episode was something you anticipated, you waited for, you dreamed about, you wondered who you'd learn about this week, and who would be a good guy and whose allegiance would turn, and who was expendable this week. As we learned early on - no one was safe.

You grew to love Peter, who just wanted to help people and not harm anyone, and seemed the only one of Claire's real family that gave a damn about her. You championed Nikki in her battle with Jessica while learning she was an indominitable force of nature to be reckoned with. You adored Officer Matt Parkman who could hear your every hidden fear about yourself and would go out of his way to reassure you because it's just the kind of man he was. And Isaac...ambivalent at first but beloved in the end and died a worthy hero's death. Nathan - eh...you just couldn't tell. Until that one moment...."I'm not leaving you, Peter." And then he was a hero you loved. Flawed, but aren't most of the greats?

Cut to Year Two and the dreaded sophomore slump. Cripes, I admit I can barely remember half the episodes. Can Hiro come back from ancient Japan now please? Suresh and Parkman playing "My Two Dad's" and comatizing (is that a word?) a little girl in the process by confronting none other than - wait for it - Parkman's Dad, who hints that more powers are coming than just hearing thoughts. Super bad guy and keeps Molly imprisoned in her mind. Nice. Way to go Matt, on your own little unresolved personal vendetta to a deadbeat dad. Woo hoo.

Suresh works for the "Company" undercover with HRG as his outside contact, and HRG is just as shady as before. Claire gets a boyfriend and could not be ANY MORE BORING IF I WAS HER BABYSITTER. The boyfriend is annoying, can't take no for an answer - stalker material, Claire: WAKE UP. And a Mendez drawing shows Claire standing over her father's face as it's shot out at close range. Do we suspect the boyfriend? Eeeeem, mebbe.

The wonder-twins, Maya and whatever his name is are just annoying. Look, I drip black goo from my eyes. Didn't X-Files cover this years ago? But she and her brother must hold hands and the poison/killing will stop as he absorbs the power into himself. Wait, let's pick up this hitch-hiker. His name is , er, Gabriel, never mind the watch that says SYLER on it or the broken watch sounds every time he lovingly caresses your heads and promises you that he'll take you to Dr. Suresh in NYC and introduce you. No, it's not a coincidence; it's divine providence. Duh. I almost WANT Syler to get his powers back and just KILL them; cripes.

And what's with Joe's daughter Elle, Ms. Sparky MsSpark? Kill her off quickly. She has no longevity factor at all. She shocks people. Oookay. She's a psychopathic bitch catered to by her sociopathic father...huge character arc there.

DL is gone. New Orleans gal can glean knowledge from TV - oh, the creators of Sesame Street must be so proud - no wait, it was the WWE.

Is it just me or have we lost our way on Heroes? And is it too late to get it back? I want to see it succeed, I really ache for it to get back to that amazing edge-of-your-seat storytelling, but I don't know how much longer the public can forgive this slump.

Give us something, NBC. We gave you everything last year. We deserve something this year.

AND MORE CURVES WITH NERVES!!!